Justine 淑女的眼泪 Chapter 36

I should indeed have liked to have been able to comfort her that first night, but, obliged to spend it with Severino, it may well have been I on the contrary who stood in the greater need of help, for I had the misfortune, no, not to please, the word would not be suitable, no, but in a most lively manner to excite that sodomite's infamous¹ passions; at this period he desired me almost every night; being exhausted² on this particular one, he conducted some researches; doubtless afraid the appalling³ sword with which he was endowed would not cause me an adequate amount of pain, he fancied, this time, he might perforate me with one of those articles of furniture usually found in nunneries, which decency⁴ forbids me from naming and which was of an exorbitant⁵ thickness; here, one was obliged to be ready for anything. He himself made the weapon penetrate⁶ into his beloved shrine⁷; thanks to powerful blows, it was driven very deep; I screamed; the monk⁸ was amused, after a few backward and forward passes, he suddenly snapped the instrument free and plunged¹⁰ his own into the gulf¹¹ he had just dug open... what whimsy¹²! Is that not positively¹³ the contrary of everything men are able to desire! But who can define the spirit of libertinage¹⁴? For a long time we have realized this to be an enigma¹⁵ of Nature; she has not yet pronounced the magic word.

 

In the morning, feeling somewhat renewed, he wanted to try out another torture: he produced a far more massy machine: this one was hollow and fitted with a high-pressure pump that squirted an incredibly powerful stream of water through an orifice which gave the jet a circumference¹⁶ of over three inches; the enormous instrument itself was nine inches around by twelve long. Severino loaded it with steaming hot water and prepared to bury it in my front end; terrified by such a project, I throw myself at his knees to ask for mercy, but he is in one of those accursed situations where pity cannot be heard, where far more eloquent¹⁷ passions stifle¹⁸ it and substitute an often exceedingly dangerous cruelty. The monk threatens me with all his rage if I do not acquiesce¹⁹; I have to obey. The perfidious²⁰ machine penetrates²¹ to the two-thirds mark and the tearing it causes combined with its extreme heat are about to deprive me of the use of my senses; meanwhile, the superior, showering an uninterrupted stream of invectives upon the parts he is molesting²², has himself excited by his follower²³; after fifteen minutes of rubbing which lacerates me, he releases the spring, a quart of nearly boiling water is fired into the last depths of my womb... I fall into a faint. Severino was in an ecstasy²⁴... he was in a delirium²⁵ at least the equal of my agony.

 

"Why," said the traitor²⁶, "that's nothing at all. When I recover my wits, we'll treat those charms much more harshly... a salad of thorns, by Jesus! well peppered, a copious²⁷ admixture of vinegar, all that tamped²⁸ in with the point of a knife, that's what they need to buck²⁹ them up; the next mistake you make, I condemn³⁰ you to the treatment," said the villain³¹ while he continued to handle the object of his worship; but two or three homages after the preceeding night's debauches had near worked him to death, and I was sent packing.

 

Upon returning to my chamber³³ I found my new companion in tears; I did what I could to soothe³⁴ her, but it is not easy to adjust to so frightful³⁵ a change of situation; this girl had, furthermore, a great fund of religious feeling, of virtue³⁶, and of sensitivity; owing to it, her state only appeared to her the more terrible. Omphale had been right when she told me seniority in no way influenced retirement³⁷; that, simply by the monks³⁸' caprice, or by their fear of ulterior inquiries³⁹, one could undergo dismissal at the end of a week as easily as at the end of twenty years. Octavie had not been with us four months when Jerome came to announce her departure; although 'twas he who had most enjoyed her during her sojourn⁴⁰ at the monastery⁴¹, he who had seemed to cherish her and seek her more than any other, the poor child left, making us the same promises Omphale had given; she kept them just as poorly.

 

From that moment on, my every thought was bent⁴² upon the plan I had been devising since Omphale's departure; determined⁴³ to do everything possible to escape from this den⁹ of savages⁴⁴, nothing that might help me succeed held any terrors for me. What was there to dread⁴⁵ by putting my scheme into execution? Death. And were I to remain, of what could I be certain? Of death. And successful flight would save me; there could be no hesitation⁴⁶ for there was no alternative; but it were necessary that, before I launched my enterprise, fatal examples of vice⁴⁷ rewarded be yet again reproduced before my eyes; it was inscribed⁴⁸ in the great book of fate, in that obscure tome whereof no mortal has intelligence, 'twas set down there, I say, that upon all those who had tormented⁴⁹ me, humiliated⁵⁰ me, bound me in iron chains, there were to be heaped unceasing bounties⁵¹ and rewards for what they had done with regard to me, as if Providence⁵² had assumed the task of demonstrating to me the inutility of virtue.... Baleful lessons which however did not correct me, no, I wavered not; lessons which, should I once again escape from the blade poised⁵³ above my head, will not prevent me from forever remaining the slave of my heart's Divinity.

 

One morning, quite unexpectedly, Antonin appeared in our chamber and announced that the Reverend Father Severino, allied⁵⁴ to the Pope and his protege, had just been named General of the Benedictine Order by His Holiness. The next day that monk did in effect depart, without taking his leave of us; 'twas said another was expected to replace him, and he would be far superior in debauch³² to all who remained; additional reasons to hasten ahead with my plans.

 

The day following Severino's departure, the monks decided⁵⁵ to retrench⁵⁶ one more of my companions; I chose for my escape the very day when sentence was pronounced against the wretched girl, so that the monks, preoccupied⁵⁷ with her, would pay less attention to me.

 

It was the beginning of spring; the length of the nights still somewhat favored my designs: for two months I had been preparing them, they were completely unsuspected; little by little I sawed through the bars over my window, using a dull pair of scissors I had found; my head could already pass through the hole; with sheets and linen⁵⁸ I had made a cord of more than sufficient length to carry me down the twenty or twenty-five feet Omphale had told me was the building's height. When they had taken my old belongings⁵⁹, I had been careful, as I told you, to remove my little fortune which came to about six louis, and these I had always kept hidden with extreme caution; as I left, I put them into my hair, and nearly all of our chamber having left for that night's supper, finding no one about but one of my companions who had gone to bed as soon as the others had descended⁶⁰, I entered my cabinet; there, clearing the hole I had scrupulously⁶¹ kept covered at all times, I knotted my cord to one of the undamaged bars, then, sliding down outside, I soon touched the ground 'twas not this part which troubled me: the six enclosures of stone and trees my companion had mentioned were what intrigued⁶² me far more.

 

Once there, I discovered that each concentric space between one barrier and the next was no more than eight feet wide, and it was this proximity⁶³ which assured a casual glance that there was nothing in the area but a dense⁶⁴ cluster of trees. The night was very dark; as I turned round the first alley⁶⁵ to discover where I might not find a gap in the palisade, I passed beneath the dining hall, which seemed deserted⁶⁶; my inquietude increased; however, I continued my search and thus at last came abreast⁶⁷ the window to the main underground room, located directly below that in which the orgies were staged. Much light flooded from the basement, I was bold enough to approach the window and had a perfect view of the interior. My poor companion was stretched out upon a trestle table, her hair in disarray⁶⁸; she was doubtless destined⁶⁹ for some terrible torture by which she was going to find freedom, the eternal end of her miseries⁷⁰.... I shuddered⁷¹, but what my glances fell upon soon astonished me more: Omphale had either not known everything, or had not told all she knew; I spied four naked girls in the basement, and they certainly did not belong to our group; and so there were other victims of these monsters' lechery⁷² in this horrible asylum⁷³... other wretches⁷⁴ unknown to us.... I fled away and continued my circuit until I was on the side opposite the basement window; not yet having found a breach⁷⁵, I resolved to make one; all unobserved, I had furnished myself with a long knife; I set to work; despite my gloves, my hands were soon scratched and torn; but nothing daunted⁷⁶ me; the hedge was two feet thick, I opened a passage, went through, and entered the second ring; there, I was surprised to find nothing but soft earth underfoot; with each step I sank in ankle-deep: the further I advanced into these copses, the more profound the darkness became. Curious to know whence came the change of terrain⁷⁷, I felt about with my hands... O Just Heaven! my fingers seized the head of a cadaver⁷⁸! Great God! I thought, whelmed with horror, this must then be the cemetery⁷⁹, as indeed I was told, into which those murderers fling their victims; they have scarcely gone to the bother of covering them with earth!... this skull⁸⁰ perhaps belongs to my dear Omphale, perhaps it is that of the unhappy Octavie, so lovely, so sweet, so good, and who while she lived was like unto the rose of which her charms were the image. And I, alas⁸¹! might that this have been my resting place! Wouldst that I had submitted to my fate! What had I to gain by going on in pursuit of new pitfalls⁸²? Had I not committed evil enough? Had I not been the occasion of a number of crimes sufficiently⁸³ vast? Ah! fulfill⁸⁴ my destiny! O Earth, gape⁸⁵ wide and swallow me up I Ah, 'tis madness, when one is so forsaken⁸⁶, so poor, so utterly⁸⁷ abandoned, madness to go to such pains in order to vegetate⁸⁸ yet a few more instants amongst monsters!... But no! I must avenge⁸⁹ Virtue in irons.... She expects it of my courage.... Let her not be struck down... let us advance: it is essential that the universe be ridded of villains⁹⁰ as dangerous as these. Ought I fear causing the doom⁹¹ of three or four men in order to save the millions of individuals their policy or their ferocity sacrifice?

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