Justine 淑女的眼泪 Chapter 37

And therewith I pierce the next hedge; this one was thicker than the first: the further I progressed, the stouter¹ they became. The hole was made, however, but there was firm ground beyond... nothing more betrayed the same horrors I had just encountered; and thus I arrived at the brink² of the moat without having met with the wall Omphale had spoken of; indeed, there turned out to be none at all, and it is likely that the monks³ mentioned it merely to add to our fear. Less shut in when beyond the sextuple enclosure, I was better able to distinguish objects: my eyes at once beheld⁴ the church and the bulk of the adjacent building; the moat bordered each of them; I was careful not to attempt to cross it at this point; I moved along the edge and finally discovering myself opposite one of the forest roads, I resolved to make my crossing there and to dash down that road as soon as I had climbed up the other side of the ditch; it was very deep but, to my good fortune, dry and lined with brick, which eliminated all possibilities of slipping; then leapt: a little dazed by my fall, it was a few moments before I got to my feet... I went ahead, got to the further side without meeting any obstacle, but how was I to climb it! I spent some time seeking a means and at last found one where several broken bricks at once gave me the opportunity to use the others as steps and to dig foot-holds in order to mount; I had almost reached the top.when something gave way beneath my weight and I fell back into the moat under the debris⁶ I dragged with me; I thought myself dead; this involuntary fall had been more severe than the other; I was, as well, entirely⁷ covered with the material which had followed me; some had struck my head... it was cut and bleeding. O God! I cried out in despair, go no further; stay there; 'tis a warning sent from Heaven; God does not want me to go on: perhaps I am deceived in my ideas, perhaps evil is useful on earth, and when God's hand desires it, perhaps it is a sin to resist it! But, soon revolted by that doctrine⁸, the too wretched fruit of the corruption⁹ which had surrounded me, I extricated¹⁰ myself from the pile of rubble¹¹ on top of me and finding it easier to climb by the breach¹² I had just made, for now there were new holes, I try once again, I take courage, a moment later I find myself at the crest¹³. Because of all this I had strayed away from the path I had seen, but having taken careful note of its position, I found it again, and began to run. Before day-break I reached the forest's edge and was soon upon that little hill from which, six long months before, I had, to my sorrow, espied¹⁴ that frightful¹⁵ monastery¹⁶; I rest a few minutes, I am bathed in perspiration¹⁷; my first thought is to fall upon my knees and beg God to forgive the sins I unwillingly¹⁸ committed in that odious¹⁹ asylum²⁰ of crime and impurity²¹; tears of regret soon flowed from my eyes. Alas²²! I said, I was far less a criminal when last year I left this same road, guided by a devout²³ principle so fatally deceived! O God! In what state may I now behold²⁴ myself! These lugubrious²⁵ reflections were in some wise mitigated²⁶ by the pleasure of discovering I was free; I continued along the road toward Dijon, supposing it would only be in that capital my complaints could be legitimately²⁷ lodged²⁸....

 

At this point Madame de Lorsange persuaded Therese to catch her breath for a few minutes at least; she needed the rest; the emotion she put into her narrative²⁹, the wounds these dreadful recitals³⁰ reopened in her soul, everything, in short, obliged her to resort to a brief respite³¹. Monsieur de Corville had refreshments³² brought in, and after collecting her forces, our heroine set out again to pursue her deplorable adventures in great detail, as you shall see.

 

By the second day all my initial fears of pursuit had dissipated; the weather was extremely warm and, following my thrifty³³ habit, I left the road to find a sheltered place where I could eat a light meal that would fortify³⁴ me till evening. Off the road to the right stood a little grove³⁵ of trees through which wound a limpid³⁶ stream; this seemed a good spot for my lunch. My thirst quenched³⁷ by this pure cool water, nourished by a little bread, my back leaning against a tree trunk, I breathed deep draughts³⁸ of clear, serene³⁹ air which relaxed me and was soothing⁴⁰. Resting there, my thoughts dwelled upon the almost unexampled fatality⁴¹ which, despite the thorns strewn thick along the career of Virtue⁴², repeatedly brought me back, whatever might happen, to the worship of that Divinity and to acts of love and resignation toward the Supreme⁴³ Being from Whom Virtue emanates⁴⁴ and of Whom it is the image. A kind of enthusiasm came and took possession of me; alas! I said to myself, He abandons me not, this God I adore, for even at this instant I find the means to recover my strength. Is it not to Him I owe this merciful favor? And are there not persons in the world to whom it is refused? I am then not completely unfortunate because there are some who have more to complain of than I.... Ah! am I not much less so than the unlucky ones I left in that den⁴⁵ of iniquity⁴⁶ and vice⁴⁷ from which God's kindness caused me to emerge as if by some sort of miracle?... And full of gratitude⁴⁸ I threw myself upon my knees, raised my eyes, and fixing the sun, for it seemed to me the Divinity's most splendid achievement, the one which best manifests His greatness, I was drawing from that Star's sublimity⁴⁹ new motives⁵⁰ for prayer and good works when all of a sudden I felt myself seized by two men who, having cast something over my head to prevent me from seeing and crying out, bound me like a criminal and dragged me away without uttering a word.

 

And thus had we walked for nearly two hours during which I knew not whither my escorts were taking me when one of them, hearing me gasp⁵¹ for air, proposed to his comrade that I be freed of the sack covering my head; he agreed, I drank in fresh air and observed that we were in the midst of a forest through which we were traveling along a fairly broad although little frequented road. A thousand dark ideas rushed straightway into my mind. I feared I was being led back to their odious monastery.

 

"Ah," I say to one of my guides, "ah Monsieur, will you tell me where I am being conducted? May I not ask what you intend to do with me ?"

 

"Be at ease, my child," the man replied, "and do not let the precautions we are obliged to take cause you any fright; we are leading you to a good master; weighty considerations engage him to procure⁵² a maid for his wife by means of this mysterious process, but never fear, you will find yourself well off."

 

"Alas! Messieurs," I answered, "if 'tis my welfare for which you labor⁵³ it is to no purpose I am constrained⁵⁴; I am a poor orphan⁵⁵, no doubt much to be commiserated⁵⁶; I ask for nothing but a place and since you are giving me one, I have no cause to run away, do I ?"

 

"She's right," said one of my escorts, "let's make her more comfortable; untie⁵⁷ everything but her hands."

 

They do so and we resume our march. Seeing me calmed, they even respond to my questions, and I finally learn that I am destined⁵⁸ to have for master one Comte de Gernande, a native of Paris, but owning considerable property in this country and rich to the tune⁵ of five hundred thousand pounds a year, all of which he consumes alone so said one of my guides.

 

"Alone ?"

 

"Yes, he is a solitary⁵⁹ man, a philosopher: he never sees a soul; but on the other hand he is one of Europe's greatest epicures⁶⁰; there is not an eater in all the world who can hold a candle to him. But I'll say no more about it; you'll see."

 

"But what do these cautious measures signify, Monsieur?"

 

"Well, simply this. Our master has the misfortune to have a wife who has become insane; a strict watch must be kept over her, she never leaves her room, no one wishes to be her servant; it would have done no good to propose the work to you, for had you been forewarned you'd never have accepted it. We are obliged to carry girls off by force in order to have someone to exercise this unpleasant function."

 

"What ? I will be made this lady's captive ?"

 

"Why, forsooth, yes, you will, and that's why we have you tied this way; but you'll get on... don't fret⁶¹, you'll get on perfectly⁶²; apart from this annoyance⁶³, you'll lack nothing."

 

"Ah! Merciful Heaven! what thralldom!"

 

"Come, come, my child, courage, you'll get out of it someday and you'll have made your fortune."

 

My guide had no sooner finished speaking than we caught sight of the chateau⁶⁴. It was a superb and vast building isolated⁶⁵ in the middle of the forest, but this great edifice⁶⁶ which could have accommodated hundreds of persons, seemed to be inhabited hardly at all. I only noticed a few signs of life coming from kitchens situated⁶⁷ in the vaults⁶⁸ below the central part of the structure; all the rest was as deserted⁶⁹ as the chateau's site was lonely. No one was there to greet us when we entered; one of my guides went off in the direction of the kitchens, the other presented me to the Count. He was at the far end of a spacious⁷⁰ and superb apartment, his body enveloped⁷¹ in an oriental satin dressing⁷² gown, reclining upon an ottoman, and having hard by him two young men so indecently, or rather so ridiculously, costumed, their hair dressed with such elegance⁷³ and skill, that at first I took them for girls; a closer inspection⁷⁴ allowed me to recognize them for two youths, one of about fifteen, the other perhaps sixteen. Their faces struck me as charming, but in such a state of dissipated softness and weariness, that at the outset I thought they were ill.

 

"My Lord, here is a girl," said my guide, "she seems to us to be what might suit you: she is properly bred and gentle and asks only to find a situation; we hope you will be content with her."

 

" 'Tis well," the Count said with scarcely a glance in my direction; "you, Saint-Louis, will close the doors when you go out and you will say that no one is to enter unless I ring."

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