Justine 淑女的眼泪 Chapter 45

"Feeble Phoebus stuff, Therese," Saint-Florent smiled; "the character of man's enjoyment¹ is determined² by the kind of organs he has received from Nature; a weak individual's, and hence every woman's, incline in the direction of procuring³ moral ecstasies⁴ which are more keenly felt than any other by these persons whose physical constitution happens to be entirely⁵ devoid⁶ of energy; quite the opposite is the case for vigorous spirits who are far more delighted by powerful shocks imparted to what surround them than they would be by the delicate impressions the feeble creatures by whom they are surrounded inevitably⁷ prefer, as befits their constitution; similarly the vigorous spirits delight more in what affects others painfully than in what affects them agreeably: such is the only difference between the cruel and the meek⁸; both groups are endowed with sensibility, but each is endowed with it in a special manner. I do not deny that each class knows its pleasures, but I, together with a host of philosophers, maintain of course that those of the individual constructed in the more vigorous fashion are incontestably more lively than all his adversary's; and, these axioms established, there may and there must be men of one sort who take as much joy in everything cruelty suggests, as the other category of persons tastes delight in benevolence⁹; but the pleasures of the latter will be mild, those of the former keen and strong: these will be the most sure, the most reliable, and doubtless the most authentic¹⁰, since they characterize the penchants of every man who is still a creature of Nature, and indeed of all children before they have fallen under the sway of civilization; the others will merely be the eff civilization and, consequently, of deceiving and vapid¹¹ delights. Well, my child, since we are met not so much in order to philosophize as to conclude a bargain, be so kind as to give me your final decision... do you or do you not accept the post I propose to you ?"

 

"I very decidedly reject it, Monsieur," I replied, getting to my feet, "... indeed I am poor... oh yes! very poor, Monsieur; but richer in my heart's sentiments than I could be in all fortune's blessings¹³; never will I sacrifice the one in order to possess the other; I may die in indigence¹⁴, but I will not betray Virtue¹⁵."

 

"Get out," the detestable man said to me, "and, above all, should I have anything to fear from your indiscretion, you will be promptly¹⁶ conveyed to a place where I need dread¹⁷ it no longer."

 

Nothing heartens Virtue like the fear of vice¹⁸; a good deal less timorous¹⁹ than I should have thought, I dared, upon promising²⁰ he would have nothing to dread at my hands, remind him of what he had from me in the forest of Bondy and apprise²¹ him of my present circumstances which, I said, made this money indispensable to me. The monster gave me harsh answer, declaring it was up to me to earn it and that I had refused.

 

"No Monsieur, no," I replied firmly, "no, I repeat, I would rather perish a thousand times over than preserve my life at that price."

 

"And as for myself," Saint-Florent rejoined, "there is in the same way nothing I would not prefer to the chagrin²² of disbursing²³ unearned money: despite the refusal you have the insolence²⁴ to give me, I should relish²⁵ passing another fifteen minutes in your company; and so if you please, we will move into my boudoir and a few moments of obedience²⁶ will go far to straighten out your pecuniary²⁷ difficulties."

 

"I am no more eager to serve your debauches in one sense than in another, Monsieur," I proudly retorted; "it is not charity I ask, cruel man; no, I should not procure²⁸ you the pleasure of it; what I demand is simply most infamous²⁹ manner.... Keep it, cruel wretch³⁰, keep it if you see fit: unpityingly observe my tears; hear, if you are able, hear without emotion need's sorrowing accents, but bear in mind that if you commit this newest outrage³¹, I will have bought, for the price it costs me, the right to scorn you forever."

 

Furious, Saint-Florent ordered me to leave and I was able to read in his dreadful countenance³² that, had it not been for what he had confided³³ in me and were he not afraid lest it get abroad, my bold plain speaking might perhaps have been repaid by some brutality³⁴.... I left. At the same instant they were bringing the debauchee one of the luckless victims of his sordid³⁵ profligacy³⁶. One of those women whose horrible state he had suggested I share was leading into the house a poor little girl of about nine who displayed every attribute of wretchedness and dereliction: she scarcely seemed to have enough strength to keep er is it conceivable that such objects can inspire any feelings but those of pity? Woe³⁷ unto the depraved one who will be able to suspect pleasures in the womb want consumes, who will seek to gather kisses from lips withered³⁸ by hunger and which open only to curse him!

 

Tears spilled from my eyes; I should have liked to snatch that victim from the tiger awaiting her; I dared not. Could I have done it? I returned directly to my hotel, quite as humiliated³⁹ by the misfortune which attracted such proposals as revolted by the opulence⁴⁰ which ventured to make them.

 

The following day I left Lyon by way of the road to Dauphine, still filled with the mad faith which allowed me to believe happiness awaited me in that province. Traveling afoot as usual, with a pair of blouses and some handkerchiefs in my pockets, I had not proceeded two leagues when I met an old woman; she approached me with a look of suffering and implored⁴² alms. Far from I had just received such cruel examples, and knowing no greater worldly happiness than what comes of obliging a poor person, I instantly drew forth⁴³ my purse with the intention of selecting a crown and giving it to this woman; but the unworthy creature, much quicker than I, although I had at first judged her aged⁴⁴ and crippled, leaps nimbly at my purse, seizes it, aims a powerful blow of her fist at my stomach, topples me, and the next I see of her, she has put a hundred yards betwixt us; there she is, surrounded by four rascals⁴⁵ who gesture threateningly and warn me not to come near.

 

"Great God!" I cried with much bitterness, "then it is Impossible for my soul to give vent⁴¹ to any virtuous⁴⁶ impulse without my being instantly and very severely⁴⁷ punished for it!" At this fatal moment all my courage deserted⁴⁸ me; today I beg Heaven's forgiveness in all sincerity⁴⁹, for I faltered⁵⁰; but I was blinded by despair. I felt myself ready to give up a career bese two alternatives: that of going to join the scoundrels who had just robbed me, or that of returning to Lyon to accept Saint-Florent's offer. God had mercy upon me; I did not succumb⁵¹, and though the fresh hope He quickened in me was misleading, since so many adversities yet lay in store for me, I nevertheless thank Him for having held me upright: the unlucky star which guides me, although innocent, to the gallows⁵², will never lead me to worse than death; other supervision⁵³ might have brought me to infamy⁵⁴, and the one is far less cruel than the other.

 

I continue to direct my steps toward Vienne, having decided¹² to sell what remains⁵⁵ to me in order to get on to Grenoble: I was walking along sadly when, at a quarter league's distance from this city, I spied a plain to the right of the highway, and in the fields were two riders busily trampling⁵⁶ a man beneath their horses' hooves; after having left him for dead, the pair rode off at a gallop⁵⁷. Th an unluckier person than I; health and strength at least remain to me, I can earn my living, and if that poor fellow is not rich, what is to become of him ?"

 

However much I ought to have forbidden myself the self-indulgence of sympathy, however perilous⁵⁸ it was for me to surrender to the impulse, I could not vanquish⁵⁹ my extreme desire to approach the man and to lavish⁶⁰ upon him what care I could offer. I rush to his side, I aid him to inhale⁶¹ some spirits I had kept about me: at last he opens his eyes and his first accents are those of gratitude⁶². Still more eager to be of use to him, I tear up one of my blouses in order to bandage his wounds, to stanch⁶³ his blood: I sacrificed for this wretched man one of the few belongings⁶⁴ I still owned. These first attentions completed, I give him a little wine to drink: the unlucky one has completely come back to his senses, I cast an eye upon him a him more closely. Although traveling on foot and without baggage, he had some valuable effects rings, a watch, a snuff box but the latter two have been badly damaged during his encounter. As soon as he is able to speak he asks me what angel of charity has come to his rescue and what he can do to express his gratitude. Still having the simplicity⁶⁵ to believe that a soul enchained by indebtedness ought to be eternally beholden to me, I judge it safe to enjoy the sweet pleasure of sharing my tears with him who has just shed some in my arms: I instruct him of my numerous reverses, he listens with interest, and when I have concluded with the latest catastrophe⁶⁶ that has befallen me, the recital⁶⁷ provides him with a glimpse of my poverty.

 

"How happy I am," he exclaims, "to be able at least to acknowledge all you have just done for me; my name is Roland," the adventurer continues, "I am the owner of an exceedingly fine chateau⁶⁸ in the mountains fifteen leagues hence, I that this proposal cause your delicacy⁶⁹ no alarm, I am going to explain immediately in what way you will be of service to me. I am unwedded, but I have a sister I love passionately⁷⁰: she has dedicated⁷¹ herself to sharing my solitude⁷²; I need someone to wait upon her; we have recently lost the person who held that office until now, I offer her post to you."

 

I thanked my protector and took the liberty to ask him how it chanced that a man such as he exposed himself to the dangers of journeying alone, and, as had just occurred, to being molested⁷³ by bandits.

 

"A stout⁷⁴, youthful, and vigorous fellow, for several years," said Roland, "I have been in the habit of traveling this way between the place where I reside and Vienne. My health and pocketbook benefit from walking. It is not that I need avoid the expense of a coach, for I am wealthy, and you will soon see proof of it if you are good enough to return home with me; but thriftiness⁷⁵ never hurts. men who insulted me a short while ago, they are two would-be gentlemen of this canton from whom I won a hundred louis last week in a gaming house at Vienne; I was content to accept their word of honor, then I met them today, asked for what they owe me, and you witnessed in what coin they paid me."

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