Justine 淑女的眼泪 Chapter 46

Together with this man I was deploring¹ the double misfortune of which he was the victim when he proposed we continue our way.

 

"Thanks to your attentions I feel a little better," said Roland; "night is approaching, let's get on to a house which should be two leagues away; by means of the horses we will secure tomorrow, we might be able to arrive at my chateau² the same afternoon."

 

Absolutely resolved to profit from the aid Heaven seemed to have sent me, I help Roland to get up, I give him my arm while we walk, and indeed, after progressing two leagues we find the inn he had mentioned. We take supper together, 'tis very proper and nice; after our meal Roland en following day we set off on two mules³ we have rented and which are led by a boy from the inn; we reach the frontier of Dauphine, ever heading into the highlands. We were not yet at our destination when the day ended, so we stopped at Virieu, where my patron showed me the same consideration and provided me with the same care; the next morning we resumed our way toward the mountains. We arrived at their foot toward four in the afternoon; there, the road becoming almost impassable, Roland requested my muleteer not to leave me for fear of an accident, and we penetrated⁴ into the gorges⁵. We did but turn, wind, climb for the space of more than four leagues, and by then we had left all habitations and all traveled roads so far behind us I thought myself come to the end of the world; despite myself, I was seized by a twinge of uneasiness; Roland could not avoid seeing it, but he said nothing, and I was made yet more uncomfortable by his to a castle perched upon the crest⁶ of a mountain; it beetled⁷ over a dreadful precipice⁸ into which it seemed ready to plunge⁹: no road seemed to lead up to it; the one we had followed, frequently by goats only, strewn with pebbles¹⁰ and stones, however did at last take us to this awful eyrie which much more resembled the hideaway of thieves than the dwelling¹¹ place of virtuous¹² folk.

 

"That is where I live," said Roland, noticing I was gazing up at his castle.

 

I confessed my astonishment¹³ to see that he lived in such isolation¹⁴.

 

"It suits me," was his abrupt¹⁵ reply.

 

This response redoubled my forebodings. Not a syllable¹⁶ is lost upon the miserable¹⁷; a word, a shift of inflection and, when 'tis a question of the speech of the person upon whom one depends, 'tis enough to stifle¹⁸ hope or revive it; but, being completely unable to do anything, I held my tongue and waited. We mounted by zigzags¹⁹; the strange pile suddenly loomed²⁰ up before us: roughly a quart separated it from us: Roland dismounted and having told me to do likewise, he returned both mules to the boy, paid him and ordered him to return. This latest maneuver²¹ was even more displeasing²² to me; Roland observed my anxiety.

 

"What is the trouble, Therese?" he demanded, urging me on toward his fortress²³; "you are not out of France; we are on the Dauphine border and within the bishopric of Grenoble."

 

"Very well, Monsieur," I answered; "but why did it ever occur to you to take up your abode²⁴ in a place befitting brigands²⁵ and robbers ?"

 

"Because they who inhabit it are not very honest people," said Roland; "it might be altogether possible you will not be edified²⁶ by their conduct."

 

"Ah, Monsieur I" said I with a shudder²⁷, "you make me tremble; where then are you leading me ?"

 

"I am leading you into the service of the counterfeiters of whom I am the chief," said Roland, grasping my arm and driving me over a little drawbridge that was lowered at our immediately we had traversed it; "do you see that well?" he continued when we had entered; he was pointing to a large and deep grotto²⁹ situated³⁰ toward the back of the courtyard, where four women, nude³¹ and manacled, were turning a wheel; "there are your companions and there your task, which involves the rotation³² of that wheel for ten hours each day, and which also involves the satisfaction of all the caprices I am pleased to submit you and the other ladies to; for which you will be granted six ounces of black bread and a plate of kidney beans without fail each day; as for your freedom, forget it; you will never recover it. When you are dead from overwork, you will be flung into that hole you notice beside the well, where the remains³³ of between sixty and eighty other rascals³⁴ of your breed await yours, and your place will be taken by somebody else."

 

"Oh, Great God!" I exclaimed, casting myself at Roland's feet, "deign³⁵ to remember, Monsieur, that I saved you gratitude³⁶ for an instant, you seemed to offer me happiness and that it is by precipitating³⁷ me into an eternal abyss of evils you reward my services. Is what you are doing just? and has not remorse³⁸ already begun to avenge³⁹ me in the depths of your heart?"

 

"What, pray tell, do you mean by this feeling of gratitude with which you fancy you have captivated me?" Roland inquired. "Be more reasonable, wretched creature; what were you doing when you came to my rescue? Between the two possibilities, of continuing on your way and of coming up to me, did you not choose the latter as an impulse dictated⁴¹ by your heart? You therefore gave yourself up to a pleasure? How in the devil's name can you maintain I am obliged to recompense you for the joys in which you indulge yourself? And how did you ever get it into your head that a man like myself, who is swimming in gold and opulence⁴², should condescend⁴³ to lower himself to owing something to a wretch⁴⁰ of your species? you nothing immediately it were plain you had acted out of selfishness only: to work, slave, to work; learn that though civilization may overthrow⁴⁴ the principles of Nature, it cannot however divest⁴⁵ her of her rights; in the beginning she wrought⁴⁶ strong beings and weak and intended that the lowly should be forever subordinated to the great; human skill and intelligence made various the positions of individuals, it was no longer physical force alone that determined⁴⁷ rank, 'twas gold; the richest became the mightiest⁴⁸ man, the most penurious⁴⁹ the weakest; if the causes which establish power are not to be found in Nature's ordinations⁵⁰, the priority of the mighty⁵¹ has always been inscribed⁵² therein, and to Nature it made no difference whether the weak danced at the end of a leash⁵³ held by the richest or the most energetic, and little she cared whether the yoke⁵⁴ crushed the poorest or the most enfeebled; but these grateful impulses out of which you them not; it has never been one of her laws that the pleasure whereunto someone surrenders when he acts obligingly must become a cause for the recipient⁵⁵ of his gratuitous⁵⁶ kindness to renounce⁵⁷ his rights over the donor⁵⁸; do you detect these sentiments you demand in the animals which serve us as examples? When I dominate you by my wealth or might is it natural for me to abandon my rights to you, either because you have enjoyed yourself while obliging me or because, being unhappy, you fancied you had something to gain from your action? Even were service to be rendered by one equal to another, never would a lofty spirit's pride allow him to stoop to acknowledge it; is not he who receives always humiliated⁵⁹? And is this humiliation⁶⁰ not sufficient payment for the benefactor⁶¹ who, by this alone, finds himself superior to the other? Is it not pride's delight to be raised above one's fellow? Is any other necessary to the person wh obligation, by causing humiliation to him who receives, becomes a burden to him, by what right is he to be forced to continue to shoulder it? Why must I consent to let myself be humiliated every time my eyes fall upon him who has obliged me? Instead of being a vice²⁸, ingratitude⁶² is as certainly a virtue⁶³ in proud spirits as gratitude is one in humble⁶⁴; let them do what they will for me if doing it gives them pleasure, but let them expect nothing from me simply because they have enjoyed themselves."

 

Having uttered these words, to which Roland gave me no opportunity to reply, he summoned two valets who upon his instructions seized me, despoiled⁶⁵ me, and shackled⁶⁶ me next to my companions, so was I set to work at once, without a moment's rest after the fatiguing⁶⁷ journey I had just made. Then Roland approaches me, he brutally⁶⁸ handles all those parts of me designation of which modesty⁶⁹ forbids, heaps sarcasms⁷⁰ upon me, makes impertinent reference to the damning a brand Rodin printed upon me, then, catching⁷¹ up a bull's pizzle always kept in readiness nearby, he applies twenty cuts to my behind.

 

"That is how you will be treated, bitch," says he, "when you lag at the job; I'm not giving you this for anything you've already done, but only to show you how I cope with those who make mistakes."

 

I screamed, struggled against my manacles; my contortions⁷², my cries, my tears, the cruel expressions of my pain merely entertained my executioner....

 

"Oh, little whore, you'll see other things," says Roland, "you're not by a long shot at the end of your troubles - and I want you to make the acquaintance of even the most barbaric refinements⁷³ of misery⁷⁴."

 

He leaves me.

 

Located in a cave on the edge of that vast well were six dark kennels⁷⁵; they were barred like dungeons⁷⁶, and they served us as shelters for the night, which arrived not long after I was enlisted⁷⁷ in this dreadful chain gang. They came to remove my fetters⁷⁸ and my and dry bread Roland had mentioned, we were locked up.

 

I was no sooner alone than, undistracted, I abandoned myself to contemplating⁷⁹ my situation in all its horror. Is it possible, I wondered, can it be that there are men so hardened as to have stifled⁸⁰ in themselves their capacity for gratitude? This virtue to which I surrender myself with such charm whenever an upright spirit gives me the chance to feel it... can this virtue be unknown to certain beings, can they be utter strangers to it? and may they who have suppressed it so inhumanly⁸¹ in themselves be anything but monsters ?

 

I was absorbed in these musings when suddenly I heard the door to my cell open; 'tis Roland: the villain⁸² has come to complete his outraging⁸³ of me by making me serve his odious⁸⁴ eccentricities⁸⁵: you may well imagine, Madame, that they were to be as ferocious⁸⁶ as his other proceedings⁸⁷ and that such a man's love-makings are necessarily by his abhorrent⁸⁸ character. But how can I abuse your patience by relating these new horrors? Have I not already more than soiled your imagination with infamous⁸⁹ recitations ? Dare I hazard additional ones?

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