Justine 淑女的眼泪 Chapter 48

He seizes my arms, binds¹ them to my side, then he slips a black silken noose² about my neck; he holds both ends of the cord and, by tightening³, he can strangle and dispatch me to the other world ei quickly or slowly, depending upon his pleasure.

 

"This torture is sweeter than you may imagine, Therese," says Roland; "you will only approach death by way of unspeakably pleasurable sensations; the pressure this noose will bring to bear upon your nervous system will set fire to the organs of voluptuousness⁴; the effect is certain; were all the people who are condemned⁵ to this torture to know in what an intoxication⁶ of joy it makes one die, less terrified by this retribution for their crimes, they would commit them more often and with much greater self-assurance; this delicious operation, Therese, by causing, as well, the contraction⁷ of the locale in which I am going to fit myself," he added as he presented himself to a criminal avenue so worthy⁸ of such a villain⁹, "is also going to double my pleasure."

 

He thrusts, he sweats, 'tis in vain; he prepares the road, 'tis futile¹⁰; he is too monstrously¹¹ proportioned, his enterprises are repeatedly frustrated¹²; and then his wrath¹³ nails, his hands, his feet fly to revenge him upon the opposition¹⁴ Nature puts up against him; he returns to the assault, the glowing blade slides to the edge of the neighboring canal and smiting¹⁵ vigorously, penetrates¹⁶ to nigh the midway mark; I utter a cry; Roland, enraged¹⁷ by his mistake, withdraws petulantly¹⁸, and this time hammers at the other gate with such force the moistened dart¹⁹ plunges²⁰ in, rending²¹ me. Roland exploits this first sally's success; his efforts become more violent; he gains ground; as he advances, he gradually tightens²² the fatal cord he has passed round my neck, hideous²³ screams burst from my lips; amused by them, the ferocious²⁴ Roland urges me to redouble my howlings, - for he is but too confident of their insufficiency, he is perfectly²⁵ able to put a stop to them when he wishes; their shrill²⁶ sharp notes inflame²⁷ him, the noose's pressure is modulated²⁸ by his degrees of delight; little by little my voice waxes faint; the tightenings now become so intense that my senses weaken although I do not lose the power to feel; brutally²⁹ shaken by the enormous instrument with which Roland is rending my entrails, despite my frightful³⁰ circumstances, I feel myself flooded by his lust's jetted outpourings; I still hear the cries he mouths as he discharges; an instant of stupor³¹ followed, I knew not what had happened to me, but soon my eyes open again to the light, I find myself free, untied³², and my sensory³³ organs seem to come back to life.

 

"Well, Therese," says my butcher, "I dare swear that if you'll tell the truth you'll say you felt pleasure only?"

 

"Only horror, Monsieur, only disgust, only anguish³⁴ and despair."

 

"You are Lying, I am fully³⁵ acquainted with the effects you have just experienced, but what does it matter what they were? I fancy you already know me well enough to be damned certain that when I undertake something with you, the joy you reap from it concerns me infinitely³⁶ less than my own, and this voluptuousness I seek has been so keen that in an instant I am going to procure³⁷ some more of it. It is now upon yourself, Therese," declares this signal libertine³⁸, "it is upon you alone your life is going to depend."

 

Whereupon he hitches³⁹ about my neck the rope that hangs from the ceiling; he has me stand upon a stool, pulls the rope taut⁴⁰, secures it, and to the stool he attaches a string whose end he keeps in his hand as he sits down in an armchair facing me; I am given a sickle⁴¹ which I am to use to sever⁴² the rope at the moment when, by means of the string, he jerks the stool from beneath my feet.

 

"Notice, Therese," he says when all is ready, "that though you may miss your blow, I'll not miss mine; and so I am not mistaken when I say your life depends upon you."

 

He excites himself; it is at his intoxication's critical moment he is to snatch away the stool which, removed, will leave me dangling⁴³ from the beam; he does everything possible to pretend the instant has come; he would be beside himself were I to miss my cue; but do what he will, I divine the crisis, the violence of his ecstasy⁴⁴ betrays him, I see him make the telltale movement, the stool flies away, I cut the rope and fall to the ground; there I am, completely detached, and although five yards divide us, would you believe it, Madame? I feel my entire body drenched⁴⁵ with the evidence of his delirium⁴⁶ and his frenzy⁴⁷.

 

Anyone but I, taking advantage of the weapon she clutched in her hand, would doubtless have leapt upon that monster; but what might I have gained by this brave feat⁴⁸? for I did not have the keys to those subterranean⁴⁹ passages, I was ignorant of their scheme, I should have perished before being able to emerge from them; Roland, furthermore, was armed; and so I got up, leaving the sickle on the ground so that he might not conceive the slightest suspicion of my intentions, and indeed he had none, for he had savored⁵⁰ the full extent of pleasure and, far more content with my tractability⁵¹, with my resignation, than with my agility⁵², he signaled to me and we left.

 

The next day I cast an appraising⁵³ eye upon my companions: those four girls ranged from twenty-five to thirty years of age; although bestialized and besotted by misery⁵⁴ and warped⁵⁵ by excessive drudgery⁵⁶, they still had the remnants of beauty; their figures were handsome, and the youngest, called Suzanne, still had, together with charming eyes, very fine hair; Roland had seized her in Lyon, he had deflowered her, and after having sworn to her family he would marry her, he had brought her to this frightful chateau⁵⁷, where she had been three years his slave, and during that period she had been especially singled out to be the object of the monster's ferocities: by dint⁵⁸ of blows from the bull's pizzle, her buttocks had become as calloused⁵⁹ and toughened as would be cow's hide dried in the sun; she had a cancer upon her left breast and an abscess in her matrix which caused her unspeakable suffering; all that was the perfidious⁶⁰ Roland's achievement; each of those horrors was the fruit of his lecheries⁶¹.

 

It was she who informed me Roland was on the eve of departing for Venice if the considerable sums he had very recently shipped to Spain could be converted into letters of credit he needed for Italy, for he did not want to transport his gold east across the Alps; never did he send any in that direction: it was in a different country from the one he had decided⁶² to inhabit that he circulated his false coins; by this device, rich to be sure but only in the bank-notes of another kingdom, his rascalities could never be detected in the land where he planned to take up his next abode⁶³. But everything could be overthrown⁶⁴ within the space of an instant and the retirement⁶⁵ he envisioned wholly depended upon this latest transaction in which the bulk of his treasure was compromised. Were Cadiz to accept his false piasters, sequins, and louis, and against them send him letters negotiable in Venice, Roland would be established for the rest of his days; were the fraud to be detected, one single day would suffice to demolish⁶⁶ the fragile edifice⁶⁷ of his fortune.

 

"Alas⁶⁸!" I remarked upon learning these details, "Providence⁶⁹ will be just for once. It will not countenance⁷⁰ the success of such a monster, and all of us will be revenged...."

 

Great God I in view of the experience I had acquired, how was I able thus to reason!

 

Toward noon we were given a two-hour respite⁷¹, which we always used to good advantage to go for a little individual rest and food in our cells; at two o'clock we were reattached to the wheel and were made to work till nightfall; never were we allowed to enter the chateau; if we were naked, 'twas not only because of the heat, but so as better to be able to receive the bull's pizzle beatings our savage⁷² master periodically came to inflict⁷³ upon us; in winter we were given pantaloons and a light sweater which so closely hugged the skin that our bodies were not the less exposed to the blows of a villain whose unique pleasure was to beat us half-senseless.

 

A week passed during which I saw no sign of Roland; on the ninth day he visited us at work and maintained Suzanne and I were improperly⁷⁴ applying ourselves to our task; he distributed thirty cuts with the pizzle upon each of us, slashing⁷⁵ us from back to calf⁷⁶.

 

At midnight on that same day, the evil man came to get me in my kennel⁷⁷ and, warmed by the sight of what his cruelties had produced, he once again introduced his terrible bludgeon into the shadowy lair⁷⁸ I exposed by the posture⁷⁹ he made me assume in order to inspect the vestiges⁸⁰ of his rage. When his hungers were appeased⁸¹ I thought to profit from his momentary⁸² calm to supplicate⁸³ him to mitigate⁸⁴ my lot. Alas! I was unaware⁸⁵ that in such a genius, whereas the delirious⁸⁶ interlude stimulates⁸⁷ the penchant⁸⁸ for cruelty into greater activity, the subsequent reflux does not by any means restore the honest man's pacific virtues⁸⁹ to it; 'tis a fire more or less quickened by the fuel wherewith it is fed, but one whose embers, though covered with cinder⁹⁰, burn nonetheless.

 

"And what right have you," Roland replied to me, "to expect me to sweeten your circumstances? Because of the fantasies I am pleased to put into execution with you? But am I to throw myself at your feet and implore⁹¹ you to accord favors for the granting of which you can implore some recompense? I ask nothing from you, I take, and I simply do not see that, because I exercise one right over you, it must result that I have to abstain⁹² from demanding a second; there is no love in what I do: love is a chivalric⁹³ sentiment I hold in sovereign contempt and to whose assaults my heart is always impervious⁹⁴; I employ a woman out of necessity, as one employs a round and hollow vessel⁹⁵ for a different purpose but an analogous⁹⁶ need; but never according this individual, which my money and authority make subject to me, either esteem⁹⁷ or tenderness, owing to myself what I get from her and never exacting⁹⁸ from her anything but submission⁹⁹, I cannot be constrained¹⁰⁰, in the light of all this, to acknowledge any gratitude¹⁰¹ toward her. I ask them who would like to compel me to be thankful whether a thief who snatches a man's purse in the woods because he, the thief, is the stronger of the two, owes this man any gratitude for the wrong he has just done him; the same holds true for an outrage¹⁰² committed against a woman: it may justify¹⁰³ a repetition of the abuse, but never is it a sufficient reason to grant her compensation."

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