Work: A Story of Experience - Chapter 12
时间：2021-01-24 02:31:28
（单词翻译:单击）
ON the fourth of September, Christie woke up, saying to herself: "It is my birthday, but no one knows it, so I shall get no presents. Ah, well, I'm too old for that now, I suppose;" but she sighed as she said it, for well she knew one never is too old to be remembered and beloved.
Just then the door opened, and Mrs. Sterling1 entered, carrying what looked very like a pile of snow-flakes in her arms. Laying this upon the bed, she kissed Christie, saying with a tone and gesture that made the words a benediction2:
"A happy birthday, and God bless thee, my daughter!"
Before Christie could do more than hug both gift and giver, a great bouquet3 came flying in at the open window, aimed with such skill that it fell upon the bed, while David's voice called out from below: "A happy birthday, Christie, and many of them!"
"How sweet, how kind of you, this is! I didn't dream you knew about to-day, and never thought of such a beautiful surprise," cried Christie, touched and charmed by this unexpected celebration.
"Thee mentioned it once long ago, and we remembered. They are very humble4 gifts, my dear; but we could not let the day pass without some token of the thanks we owe thee for these months of faithful service and affectionate companionship."
Christie had no answer to this little address, and was about to cry as the only adequate expression of her feelings, when a hearty5 "Hear! Hear!" from below made her laugh, and call out:
"You conspirators6! how dare you lay plots, and then exult7 over me when I can't find words to thank you? I always did think you were a set of angels, and now I'm quite sure of it."
"Thee may be right about Davy, but I am only a prudent8 old woman, and have taken much pleasure in privately9 knitting this light wrap to wear when thee sits in the porch, for the evenings will soon grow chilly10. My son did not know what to get, and finally decided11 that flowers would suit thee best; so he made a bunch of those thee loves, and would toss it in as if he was a boy."
"I like that way, and both my presents suit me exactly," said Christie, wrapping the fleecy shawl about her, and admiring the nosegay in which her quick eye saw all her favorites, even to a plumy spray of the little wild asters which she loved so much.
"Now, child, I will step down, and see about breakfast. Take thy time; for this is to be a holiday, and we mean to make it a happy one if we can."
With that the old lady went away, and Christie soon followed, looking very fresh and blithe12 as she ran down smiling behind her great bouquet. David was in the porch, training up the morning-glories that bloomed late and lovely in that sheltered spot. He turned as she approached, held out his hand, and bent13 a little as if he was moved to add a tenderer greeting. But he did not, only held the hand she gave him for a moment, as he said with the paternal14 expression unusually visible:
"I wished you many happy birthdays; and, if you go on getting younger every year like this, you will surely have them."
It was the first compliment he had ever paid her, and she liked it, though she shook her head as if disclaiming15 it, and answered brightly:
"I used to think many years would be burdensome, and just before I came here I felt as if I could not bear another one. But now I like to live, and hope I shall a long, long time."
"I'm glad of that; and how do you mean to spend these long years of yours?" asked David, brushing back the lock of hair that was always falling into his eyes, as if he wanted to see more clearly the hopeful face before him.
"In doing what your morning-glories do, - climb up as far and as fast as I can before the frost comes," answered Christie, looking at the pretty symbols she had chosen.
"You have got on a good way already then," began David, smiling at her fancy.
"Oh no, I haven't!" she said quickly. "I'm only about half way up. See here: I'll tell how it is;" and, pointing to the different parts of the flowery wall, she added in her earnest way: "I've watched these grow, and had many thoughts about them, as I sit sewing in the porch. These variegated16 ones down low are my childish fancies; most of them gone to seed you see. These lovely blue ones of all shades are my girlish dreams and hopes and plans. Poor things! some are dead, some torn by the wind, and only a few pale ones left quite perfect. Here you observe they grow sombre with a tinge17 of purple; that means pain and gloom, and there is where I was when I came here. Now they turn from those sad colors to crimson18, rose, and soft pink. That's the happiness and health I found here. You and your dear mother planted them, and you see how strong and bright they are."
She lifted up her hand, and gathering19 one of the great rosy20 cups offered it to him, as if it were brimful of the thanks she could not utter. He comprehended, took it with a quiet "Thank you," and stood looking at it for a moment, as if her little compliment pleased him very much.
"And these?" he said presently, pointing to the delicate violet bells that grew next the crimson ones.
The color deepened a shade in Christie's cheek, but she went on with no other sign of shyness; for with David she always spoke21 out frankly22, because she could not help it.
"Those mean love to me, not passion: the deep red ones half hidden under the leaves mean that. My violet flowers are the best and purest love we can know: the sort that makes life beautiful and lasts for ever. The white ones that come next are tinged23 with that soft color here and there, and they mean holiness. I know there will be love in heaven; so, whether I ever find it here or not, I am sure I shall not miss it wholly."
Then, as if glad to leave the theme that never can be touched without reverent24 emotion by a true woman, she added, looking up to where a few spotless blossoms shone like silver in the light:
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations25. I cannot reach them: but I can look up, and see their beauty; believe in them, and try to follow where they lead; remember that frost comes latest to those that bloom the highest; and keep my beautiful white flowers as long as I can."
"The mush is ready; come to breakfast, children," called Mrs. Sterling, as she crossed the hall with a teapot in her hand.
Christie's face fell, then she exclaimed laughing: "That's always the way; I never take a poetic26 flight but in comes the mush, and spoils it all."
"Not a bit; and that's where women are mistaken. Souls and bodies should go on together; and you will find that a hearty breakfast won't spoil the little hymn27 the morning-glories sung;" and David set her a good example by eating two bowls of hasty-pudding and milk, with the lovely flower in his button-hole.
"Now, what are we to do next?" asked Christie, when the usual morning work was finished.
"In about ten minutes thee will see, I think," answered Mrs. Sterling, glancing at the clock, and smiling at the bright expectant look in the younger woman's eyes.
She did see; for in less than ten minutes the rumble29 of an omnibus was heard, a sound of many voices, and then the whole Wilkins brood came whooping30 down the lane. It was good to see Ma Wilkins jog ponderously31 after in full state and festival array; her bonnet32 trembling with bows, red roses all over her gown, and a parasol of uncommon33 brilliancy brandished34 joyfully35 in her hand. It was better still to see her hug Christie, when the latter emerged, flushed and breathless, from the chaos36 of arms, legs, and chubby37 faces in which she was lost for several tumultuous moments; and it was best of all to see the good woman place her cherished "bunnit" in the middle of the parlor38 table as a choice and lovely ornament39, administer the family pocket-handkerchief all round, and then settle down with a hearty:
"Wal, now, Mis Sterlin', you've no idee how tickled41 we all was when Mr. David came, and told us you was goin' to have a galy here to-day. It was so kind of providential, for 'Lisha was invited out to a day's pleasuring so I could leave jest as wal as not. The childern's ben hankerin' to come the wust kind, and go plummin' as they did last month, though I told 'em berries was gone weeks ago. I reelly thought I'd never get 'em here whole, they trained so in that bus. Wash would go on the step, and kep fallin' off; Gusty's hat blew out a winder; them two bad boys tumbled round loose; and dear little Victory set like a lady, only I found she'd got both feet in the basket right atop of the birthday cake, I made a puppose for Christie."
"It hasn't hurt it a bit; there was a cloth over it, and I like it all the better for the marks of Totty's little feet, bless 'em!" and Christie cuddled the culprit with one hand while she revealed the damaged delicacy42 with the other, wondering inwardly what evil star was always in the ascendant when Mrs. Wilkins made cake.
"Now, my dear, you jest go and have a good frolic with them childern, I'm a goin' to git dinner, and you a goin' to play; so we don't want to see no more of you till the bell rings," said Mrs. Wilkins pinning up her gown, and "shooing" her brood out of the room, which they entirely43 filled.
Catching44 up her hat Christie obeyed, feeling as much like a child as any of the excited six. The revels45 that followed no pen can justly record, for Goths and Vandals on the rampage but feebly describes the youthf ul Wilkinses when their spirits effervesced46 after a month's bottling up in close home quarters.
David locked the greenhouse door the instant he saw them; and pervaded47 the premises48 generally like a most affable but very watchful49 policeman, for the ravages50 those innocents committed much afflicted51 him. Yet he never had the heart to say a word of reproof52, when he saw their raptures53 over dandelions, the relish54 with which they devoured55 fruit, and the good it did the little souls and bodies to enjoy unlimited56 liberty, green grass, and country air, even for a day.
Christie usually got them into the big meadow as soon as possible, and there let them gambol57 at will; while she sat on the broken bough58 of an apple-tree, and watched her flock like an old-fashioned shepherdess. To-day she did so; and when the children were happily sailing boats, tearing to and fro like wild colts, or discovering the rustic59 treasures Nurse Nature lays ready to gladden little hearts and hands, Christie sat idly making a garland of green brakes, and ruddy sumach leaves ripened60 before the early frosts had come.
A FRIENDLY CHAT.
David saw her there, and, feeling that he might come off guard for a time, went strolling down to lean upon the wall, and chat in the friendly fashion that had naturally grown up between these fellow-workers. She was waiting for the new supply of ferns little Adelaide was getting for her by the wall; and while she waited she sat resting her cheek upon her hand, and smiling to herself, as if she saw some pleasant picture in the green grass at her feet.
"Now I wonder what she's thinking about," said David's voice close by, and Christie straightway answered:
"Philip Fletcher."
"And who is he?" asked David, settling his elbow in a comfortable niche61 between the mossy stones, so that he could "lean and loaf" at his ease.
"The brother of the lady whose children I took care of;" and Christie wished she had thought before she answered that first question, for in telling her adventures at diiferent times she had omitted all mention of this gentleman.
"Tell about him, as the children say: your experiences are always interesting, and you look as if this man was uncommonly62 entertaining in some way," said David, indolently inclined to be amused.
"Oh, dear no, not at all entertaining! invalids63 seldom are, and he was sick and lazy, conceited64 and very cross sometimes." Christie's heart rather smote65 her as she said this, remembering the last look poor Fletcher gave her.
"A nice man to be sure; but I don't see any thing to smile about," persisted David, who liked reasons for things; a masculine trait often very trying to feminine minds.
"I was thinking of a little quarrel we once had. He found out that I had been an actress; for I basely did not mention that fact when I took the place, and so got properly punished for my deceit. I thought he'd tell his sister of course, so I did it myself, and retired66 from the situation as much disgusted with Christie Devon as you are."
"Perhaps I ought to be, but I don't find that I am. Do you know I think that old Fletcher was a sneak67?" and David looked as if he would rather like to mention his opinion to that gentleman.
"He probably thought he was doing his duty to the children: few people would approve of an actress for a teacher you know. He had seen me play, and remembered it all of a sudden, and told me of it: that was the way it came about," said Christie hastily, feeling that she must get out of the scrape as soon as possible, or she would be driven to tell every thing in justice to Mr. Fletcher.
"I should like to see you act."
"You a Quaker, and express such a worldly and dreadful wish?" cried Christie, much amused, and very grateful that his thoughts had taken a new direction.
"I'm not, and never have been. Mother married out of the sect68, and, though she keeps many of her old ways, always left me free to believe what I chose. I wear drab because I like it, and say 'thee' to her because she likes it, and it is pleasant to have a little word all our own. I've been to theatres, but I don't care much for them. Perhaps I should if I'd had Fletcher's luck in seeing you play."
"You didn't lose much: I was not a good actress; though now and then when I liked my part I did pretty well they said," answered Christie, modestly.
"Why didn't you go back after the accident?" asked David, who had heard that part of the story.
"I felt that it was bad for me, and so retired to private life."
"Do you ever regret it?"
"Sometimes when the restless fit is on me: but not so often now as I used to do; for on the whole I'd rather be a woman than act a queen."
"Good!" said David, and then added persuasively69: "But you will play for me some time: won't you? I've a curious desire to see you do it."
"Perhaps I'll try," replied Christie, flattered by his interest, and not unwilling70 to display her little talent.
"Who are you making that for? it's very pretty," asked David, who seemed to be in an inquiring frame of mind that day.
"Any one who wants it. I only do it for the pleasure: I always liked pretty things; but, since I have lived among flowers and natural people, I seem to care more than ever for beauty of all kinds, and love to make it if I can without stopping for any reason but the satisfaction."
"'Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing, "'Then beauty is its own excuse for being,'" observed David, who had a weakness for poetry, and, finding she liked his sort, quoted to Christie almost as freely as to himself.
"Exactly, so look at that and enjoy it," and she pointed71 to the child standing72 knee-deep in graceful73 ferns, looking as if she grew there, a living buttercup, with her buff frock off at one plump shoulder and her bright hair shining in the sun.
Before David could express his admiration74, the little picture was spoilt; for Christie called out, "Come, Vic, bring me some more pretties!" startling baby so that she lost her balance, and disappeared with a muffled75 cry, leaving nothing to be seen but a pair of small convulsive shoes, soles uppermost, among the brakes. David took a leap, reversed Vic, and then let her compose her little feelings by sticking bits of green in all the button-holes of his coat, as he sat on the wall while she stood beside him in the safe shelter of his arm.
"You are very like an Englishman," said Christie, after watching the pair for a few minutes.
"How do you know?" asked David, looking surprised.
"There were several in our company, and I found them very much alike. Blunt and honest, domestic and kind; hard to get at, but true as steel when once won; not so brilliant and original as Americans, perhaps, but more solid and steadfast76. On the whole, I think them the manliest77 men in the world," answered Christie, in the decided way young people have of expressing their opinions.
"You speak as if you had known and studied a great variety of men," said David, feeling that he need not resent the comparison she had made.
"I have, and it has done me good. Women who stand alone in the world, and have their own way to make, have a better chance to know men truly than those who sit safe at home and only see one side of mankind. We lose something; but I think we gain a great deal that is more valuable than admiration, flattery, and the superficial service most men give to our sex. Some one says, 'Companionship teaches men and women to know, judge, and treat one another justly.' I believe it; for we who are compelled to be fellow workers with men understand and value them more truly than many a belle78 who has a dozen lovers sighing at her feet. I see their faults and follies79; but I also see so much to honor, love, and trust, that I feel as if the world was full of brothers. Yes, as a general rule, men have been kinder to me than women; and if I wanted a staunch friend I'd choose a man, for they wear better than women, who ask too much, and cannot see that friendship lasts longer if a little respect and reserve go with the love and confidence."
Christie had spoken soberly, with no thought of flattery or effect; for the memory of many kindnesses bestowed81 on her by many men, from rough Joe Butterfield to Mr. Power, gave warmth and emphasis to her words.
The man sitting on the wall appreciated the compliment to his sex, and proved that he deserved his share of it by taking it exactly as she meant it, and saying heartily82:
"I like that, Christie, and wish more women thought and spoke as you do."
"If they had had my experience they would, and not be ashamed of it. I am so old now I can say these things and not be misjudged; for even some sensible people think this honest sort of fellowship impossible if not improper83. I don't, and I never shall, so if I can ever do any thing for you, David, forget that I am a woman and tell me as freely as if I was a younger brother."
"I wish you were!"
"So do I; you'd make a splendid elder brother."
"No, a very bad one."
There was a sudden sharpness in David's voice that jarred on Christie's ear and made her look up quickly. She only caught a glimpse of his face, and saw that it was strangely troubled, as he swung himself over the wall with little Vic on his arm and went toward the house, saying abruptly84:
"Baby 's sleepy: she must go in."
Christie sat some time longer, wondering what she had said to disturb him, and when the bell rang went in still perplexed85. But David looked as usual, and the only trace of disquiet86 was an occasional hasty shaking back of the troublesome lock, and a slight knitting of the brows; two tokens, as she had learned to know, of impatience87 or pain.
She was soon so absorbed in feeding the children, hungry and clamorous88 as young birds for their food, that she forgot every thing else. When dinner was done and cleared away, she devoted89 herself to Mrs. Wilkins for an hour or two, while Mrs. Sterling took her nap, the infants played riotously90 in the lane, and David was busy with orders.
The arrival of Mr. Power drew every one to the porch to welcome him. As he handed Christie a book, he asked with a significant smile: "Have you found him yet?"
She glanced at the title of the new gift, read "Heroes and Hero-worship," and answered merrily: "No, sir, but I'm looking hard." "Success to your search," and Mr. Power turned to greet David, who approached.
"Now, what shall we play?" asked Christie, as the children gathered about her demanding to be amused.
George Washington suggested leap-frog, and the others added equally impracticable requests; but Mrs. Wilkins settled the matter by saying:
"Let's have some play-actin', Christie. That used to tickle40 the children amazin'ly, and I was never tired of hearin' them pieces, specially91 the solemn ones."
"Yes, yes! do the funny girl with the baby, and the old woman, and the lady that took pison and had fits!" shouted the children, charmed with the idea.
Christie felt ready for any thing just then, and gave them Tilly Slowboy, Miss Miggs, and Mrs. Gummage, in her best style, while the young folks rolled on the grass in ecstasies92, and Mrs. Wilkins laughed till she cried.
"Now a touch of tragedy!" said Mr. Power, who sat under the elm, with David leaning on the back of his chair, both applauding heartily.
"You insatiable people! do you expect me to give you low comedy and heavy tragedy all alone? I'm equal to melodrama93 I think, and I'll give you Miss St. Clair as Juliet, if you wait a moment."
Christie stepped into the house, and soon reappeared with a white table-cloth draped about her, two dishevelled locks of hair on her shoulders, and the vinegar cruet in her hand, that being the first bottle she could find. She meant to burlesque94 the poison scene, and began in the usual ranting95 way; but she soon forgot St. Clair in poor Juliet, and did it as she had often longed to do it, with all the power and passion she possessed96. Very faulty was her rendering97, but the earnestness she put into it made it most effective to her uncritical audience, who "brought down the house," when she fell upon the grass with her best stage drop, and lay there getting her breath after the mouthful of vinegar she had taken in the excitement of the moment.
She was up again directly, and, inspired by this superb success, ran in and presently reappeared as Lady Macbeth with Mrs. Wilkins's scarlet98 shawl for royal robes, and the leafy chaplet of the morning for a crown. She took the stage with some difficulty, for the unevenness99 of the turf impaired100 the majesty101 of her tragic102 stride, and fixing her eyes on an invisible Thane (who cut his part shamefully103, and spoke in the gruffest of gruff voices) she gave them the dagger104 scene.
David as the orchestra, had been performing a drum solo on the back of a chair with two of the corn-cobs Victoria had been building houses with; but, when Lady Macbeth said, "Give me the daggers," Christie plucked the cobs suddenly from his hands, looking so fiercely scornful, and lowering upon him so wrathfully with her corked105 brows that he ejaculated an involuntary, "Bless me!" as he stepped back quite daunted106.
Being in the spirit of her part, Christie closed with the sleep-walking scene, using the table-cloth again, while a towel composed the tragic nightcap of her ladyship. This was an imitation, and having a fine model and being a good mimic107, she did well; for the children sat staring with round eyes, the gentlemen watched the woful face and gestures intently, and Mrs. Wilkins took a long breath at the end, exclaiming: "I never did see the beat of that for gastliness! My sister Clarissy used to walk in her sleep, but she warn't half so kind of dreadful."
"If she had had the murder of a few friends on her conscience, I dare say she would have been," said Christie, going in to make herself tidy.
"Well, how do you like her as an actress?" asked Mr. Power of David, who stood looking, as if he still saw and heard the haunted lady.
"Very much; but better as a woman. I'd no idea she had it in her," answered David, in a wonder-stricken tone.
"Plenty of tragedy and comedy in all of us," began Mr. Power; but David said hastily:
"Yes, but few of us have passion and imagination enough to act Shakspeare in that way."
"Very true: Christie herself could not give a whole character in that style, and would not think of trying."
"I think she could; and I'd like to see her try it," said David, much impressed by the dramatic ability which Christie's usual quietude had most effectually hidden.
He was still thinking about it, when she came out again. Mr. Power beckoned108 to her; saying, as she came and stood before him, flushed and kindled109 with her efforts:
"Now, you must give me a bit from the 'Merchant of Venice.' Portia is a favorite character of mine, and I want to see if you can do any thing with it."
"No, sir, I cannot. I used to study it, but it was too sober to suit me. I am not a judicial110 woman, so I gave it up," answered Christie, much flattered by his request, and amused at the respectful way in which David looked at her. Then, as if it just occurred to her, she added, "I remember one little speech that I can say to you, sir, with great truth, and I will, since you like that play."
Still standing before him, she bent her head a little, and with a graceful gesture of the hands, as if offering something, she delivered with heartfelt emphasis the first part of Portia's pretty speech to her fortunate suitor:
"You see me, Lord Bassanio, where I stand,
Such as I am: though, for myself alone,
I would not be ambitious in my wish,
To wish myself much better; yet for you,
I would be trebled twenty times myself;
A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times more rich;
That, only to stand high in your account,
Exceed account: but the full sum of me
Is sum of something; which, to term in gross,
Is an unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractis'd: -
Happy in this, she is not yet so old
But she may learn; happier than this,
She is not bred so dull but she can learn;
Happiest of all, is that her willing spirit
Commits itself to yours to be directed,
As from her lord, her governor, her king."
David applauded vigorously; but Mr. Power rose silently, looking both touched and surprised; and, drawing Christie's hand through his arm, led her away into the garden for one of the quiet talks that were so much to her.
When they returned, the Wilkinses were preparing to depart; and, after repeated leave-takings, finally got under way, were packed into the omnibus, and rumbled112 off with hats, hands, and handkerchiefs waving from every window. Mr. Power soon followed, and peace returned to the little house in the lane.
Later in the evening, when Mrs. Sterling was engaged with a neighbor, who had come to confide80 some affliction to the good lady, Christie went into the porch, and found David sitting on the step, enjoying the mellow113 moonlight and the balmy air. As he did not speak, she sat down silently, folded her hands in her lap, and began to enjoy the beauty of the night in her own way. Presently she became conscious that David's eyes had turned from the moon to her own face. He sat in the shade, she in the light, and he was looking at her with the new expression which amused her.
"Well, what is it? You look as if you never saw me before," she said, smiling.
"I feel as if I never had," he answered, still regarding her as if she had been a picture.
"What do I look like?"
"Oh! that is owing to my pretty shawl. I put it on in honor of the day, though it is a trifle warm, I confess." And Christie stroked the soft folds about her shoulders, and settled the corner that lay lightly on her hair. "I do feel peaceful to-night, but not pious. I am afraid I never shall do that," she added soberly.
"Why not?"
"Well, it does not seem to be my nature, and I don't know how to change it. I want something to keep me steady, but I can't find it. So I whiffle about this way and that, and sometimes think I am a most degenerate116 creature."
"That is only human nature, so don't be troubled. We are all compasses pointing due north. We get shaken often, and the needle varies in spite of us; but the minute we are quiet, it points right, and we have only to follow it."
"The keeping quiet is just what I cannot do. Tour mother shows me how lovely it is, and I try to imitate it; but this restless soul of mine will ask questions and doubt and fear, and worry me in many ways. What shall I do to keep it still?" asked Christie, smiling, yet earnest.
"Let it alone: you cannot force these things, and the best way is to wait till the attraction is strong enough to keep the needle steady. Some people get their ballast slowly, some don't need much, and some have to work hard for theirs."
"Did you?" asked Christie; for David's voice fell a little, as he uttered the last words.
"I have not got much yet."
"I think you have. Why, David, you are always cheerful and contented117, good and generous. If that is not true piety118, what is?"
"You are very much deceived, and I am sorry for it," said David, with the impatient gesture of the head, and a troubled look.
"Prove it!" And Christie looked at him with such sincere respect and regard, that his honest nature would not let him accept it, though it gratified him much.
He made no answer for a minute. Then he said slowly, as if feeling a modest man's hesitation119 to speak of himself, yet urged to it by some irresistible120 impulse:
"I will prove it if you won't mind the unavoidable egotism; for I cannot let you think me so much better than I am. Outwardly I seem to you 'cheerful, contented, generous, and good.' In reality I am sad, dissatisfied, bad, and selfish: see if I'm not. I often tire of this quiet life, hate my work, and long to break away, and follow my own wild and wilful121 impulses, no matter where they lead. Nothing keeps me at such times but my mother and God's patience."
David began quietly; but the latter part of this confession122 was made with a sudden impetuosity that startled Christie, so utterly123 unlike his usual self-control was it. She could only look at him with the surprise she felt. His face was in the shadow; but she saw that it was flushed, his eyes excited, and in his voice she heard an undertone that made it sternly self-accusing.
"I am not a hypocrite," he went on rapidly, as if driven to speak in spite of himself. "I try to be what I seem, but it is too hard sometimes and I despair. Especially hard is it to feel that I have learned to feign124 happiness so well that others are entirely deceived. Mr. Power and mother know me as I am: other friends I have not, unless you will let me call you one. Whether you do or not after this, I respect you too much to let you delude125 yourself about my virtues, so I tell you the truth and abide126 the consequences."
He looked up at her as he paused, with a curious mixture of pride and humility127 in his face, and squared his broad shoulders as if he had thrown off a burden that had much oppressed him.
Christie offered him her hand, saying in a tone that did his heart good: "The consequences are that I respect, admire, and trust you more than ever, and feel proud to be your friend."
David gave the hand a strong and grateful pressure, said, "Thank you," in a moved tone, and then leaned back into the shadow, as if trying to recover from this unusual burst of confidence, won from him by the soft magic of time, place, and companionship.
Fearing he would regret the glimpse he had given her, and anxious to show how much she liked it, Christie talked on to give him time to regain128 composure.
"I always thought in reading the lives of saints or good men of any time, that their struggles were the most interesting and helpful things recorded. Human imperfection only seems to make real piety more possible, and to me more beautiful; for where others have conquered I can conquer, having suffered as they suffer, and seen their hard-won success. That is the sort of religion I want; something to hold by, live in, and enjoy, if I can only get it."
"I know you will." He said it heartily, and seemed quite calm again; so Christie obeyed the instinct which told her that questions would be good for David, and that he was in the mood for answering them. "May I ask you something," she began a little timidly. "Any thing, Christie," he answered instantly. "That is a rash promise: I am a woman, and therefore curious; what shall you do if I take advantage of the privilege?" "Try and see."
"I will be discreet129, and only ask one thing," she replied, charmed with her success. "You said just now that you had learned to feign happiness. I wish you would tell me how you do it, for it is such an excellent imitation I shall be quite content with it till I can learn the genuine thing."
David fingered the troublesome forelock thoughtfully for a moment, then said, with something of the former impetuosity coming back into his voice and manner:
"I will tell you all about it; that's the best way: I know I shall some day because I can't help it; so I may as well have done with it now, since I have begun. It is not interesting, mind you, - only a grim little history of one man's fight with the world, the flesh, and the devil: will you have it?"
"Oh, yes!" answered Christie, so eagerly that David laughed, in spite of the bitter memories stirring at his heart.
"So like a woman, always ready to hear and forgive sinners," he said, then took a long breath, and added rapidly:
"I'll put it in as few words as possible and much good may it do you. Some years ago I was desperately130 miserable131; never mind why: I dare say I shall tell you all about it some day if I go on at this rate. Well, being miserable, as I say, every thing looked black and bad to me: I hated all men, distrusted all women, doubted the existence of God, and was a forlorn wretch132 generally. Why I did not go to the devil I can't say: I did start once or twice; but the thought of that dear old woman in there sitting all alone and waiting for me dragged me back, and kept me here till the first recklessness was over. People talk about duty being sweet; I have not found it so, but there it was: I should have been a brute133 to shirk it; so I took it up, and held on desperately till it grew bearable."
"It has grovn sweet now, David, I am sure," said Christie, very low.
"No, not yet," he answered with the stern honesty that would not let him deceive himself or others, cost what it might to be true. "There is a certain solid satisfaction in it that I did not use to find. It is not a mere134 dogged persistence135 now, as it once was, and that is a step towards loving it perhaps."
He spoke half to himself, and sat leaning his head on both hands propped136 on his knees, looking down as if the weight of the old trouble bent his shoulders again.
"What more, David?" said Christie.
"Only this. When I found I had got to live, and live manfully, I said to myself, 'I must have help or I cannot do it.' To no living soul could I tell my grief, not even to my mother, for she had her own to bear: no human being could help me, yet I must have help or give up shamefully. Then I did what others do when all else fails to sustain them; I turned to God: not humbly137, not devoutly138 or trustfully, but doubtfully, bitterly, and rebelliously139; for I said in my despairing heart, 'If there is a God, let Him help me, and I will believe.' He did help me, and I kept my word."
"Oh, David, how?" whispered Christie after a moment's silence, for the last words were solemn in their earnestness.
"The help did not come at once. No miracle answered me, and I thought my cry had not been heard. But it had, and slowly something like submission140 came to me. It was not cheerful nor pious: it was only a dumb, sad sort of patience without hope or faith. It was better than desperation; so I accepted it, and bore the inevitable141 as well as I could. Presently, courage seemed to spring up again: I was ashamed to be beaten in the first battle, and some sort of blind instinct made me long to break away from the past and begin again. My father was dead; mother left all to me, and followed where I led. I sold the old place, bought this, and, shutting out the world as much as I could, I fell to work as if my life depended on it. That was five or six years ago: and for a long time I delved142 away without interest or pleasure, merely as a safety-valve for my energies, and a means of living; for I gave up all my earlier hopes and plans when the trouble came.
"I did not love my work; but it was good for me, and helped cure my sick soul. I never guessed why I felt better, but dug on with indifference143 first, then felt pride in my garden, then interest in the plants I tended, and by and by I saw what they had done for me, and loved them like true friends."
A broad woodbine leaf had been fluttering against David's head, as he leaned on the slender pillar of the porch where it grew. Now, as if involuntarily, he laid his cheek against it with a caressing144 gesture, and sat looking over the garden lying dewy and still in the moonlight, with the grateful look of a man who has learned the healing miracles of Nature and how near she is to God.
"So much! I never can tell you what he was to me, nor how I thank him. To him, and to my work I owe the little I have won in the way of strength and comfort after years of effort. I see now the compensation that comes out of trouble, the lovely possibilities that exist for all of us, and the infinite patience of God, which is to me one of the greatest of His divine attributes. I have only got so far, but things grow easier as one goes on; and if I keep tugging146 I may yet be the cheerful, contented man I seem. That is all, Christie, and a longer story than I meant to tell."
"Not long enough: some time you will tell me more perhaps, since you have once begun. It seems quite natural now, and I am so pleased and honored by your confidence. But I cannot help wondering what made you do it all at once," said Christie presently, after they had listened to a whippoorwill, and watched the flight of a downy owl28.
"I do not think I quite know myself, unless it was because I have been on my good behavior since you came, and, being a humbug147, as I tell you, was forced to unmask in spite of myself. There are limits to human endurance, and the proudest man longs to unpack148 his woes149 before a sympathizing friend now and then. I have been longing to do this for some time; but I never like to disturb mother's peace, or take Mr. Power from those who need him more. So to-day, when you so sweetly offered to help me if you could, it quite went to my heart, and seemed so friendly and comfortable, I could not resist trying it tonight, when you began about my imaginary virtues. That is the truth, I believe: now, what shall we do about it?"
"Just go on, and do it again whenever you feel like it. I know what loneliness is, and how telling worries often cures them. I meant every word I said this morning, and will prove it by doing any thing in the world I can for you. Believe this, and let me be your friend."
They had risen, as a stir within told them the guest was going; and as Christie spoke she was looking up with the moonlight full upon her face.
If there had been any hidden purpose in her mind, any false sentiment, or trace of coquetry in her manner, it would have spoiled that hearty little speech of hers.
But in her heart was nothing but a sincere desire to prove gratitude150 and offer sympathy; in her manner the gentle frankness of a woman speaking to a brother; and in her face the earnestness of one who felt the value of friendship, and did not ask or give it lightly.
"I will," was David's emphatic151 answer, and then, as if to seal the bargain, he stooped down, and gravely kissed her on the forehead.
Christie was a little startled, but neither offended nor confused; for there was no love in that quiet kiss, - only respect, affection, and much gratitude; an involuntary demonstration152 from the lonely man to the true-hearted woman who had dared to come and comfort him.
Out trotted153 neighbor Miller154, and that was the end of confidences in the porch; but David played melodiously155 on his flute156 that night, and Christie fell asleep saying happily to herself:
"Now we are all right, friends for ever, and every thing will go beautifully."
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收听单词发音
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1
sterling
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| adj.英币的(纯粹的，货真价实的)；n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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2
benediction
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| n.祝福；恩赐 | |
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3
bouquet
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| n.花束，酒香 | |
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4
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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5
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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6
conspirators
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| n.共谋者，阴谋家( conspirator的名词复数 ) | |
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exult
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| v.狂喜，欢腾；欢欣鼓舞 | |
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8
prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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10
chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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11
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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12
blithe
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| adj.快乐的，无忧无虑的 | |
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13
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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14
paternal
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| adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的 | |
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15
disclaiming
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| v.否认( disclaim的现在分词 ) | |
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16
variegated
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| adj.斑驳的，杂色的 | |
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17
tinge
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| vt.(较淡)着色于，染色；使带有…气息；n.淡淡色彩，些微的气息 | |
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18
crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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19
gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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20
rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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21
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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22
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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23
tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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24
reverent
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| adj.恭敬的，虔诚的 | |
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25
aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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26
poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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27
hymn
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| n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌 | |
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28
owl
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| n.猫头鹰，枭 | |
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29
rumble
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| n.隆隆声；吵嚷；v.隆隆响；低沉地说 | |
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30
whooping
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| 发嗬嗬声的，发咳声的 | |
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31
ponderously
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32
bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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33
uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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34
brandished
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| v.挥舞( brandish的过去式和过去分词 )；炫耀 | |
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35
joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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36
chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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37
chubby
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| adj.丰满的，圆胖的 | |
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38
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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39
ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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40
tickle
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| v.搔痒，胳肢；使高兴；发痒；n.搔痒，发痒 | |
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41
tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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42
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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43
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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44
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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45
revels
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| n.作乐( revel的名词复数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉v.作乐( revel的第三人称单数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉 | |
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46
effervesced
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| v.冒气泡，起泡沫( effervesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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47
pervaded
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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48
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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49
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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50
ravages
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| 劫掠后的残迹，破坏的结果，毁坏后的残迹 | |
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51
afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52
reproof
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| n.斥责，责备 | |
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53
raptures
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| 极度欢喜( rapture的名词复数 ) | |
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54
relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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55
devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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56
unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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57
gambol
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| v.欢呼，雀跃 | |
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58
bough
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| n.大树枝，主枝 | |
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59
rustic
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| adj.乡村的，有乡村特色的；n.乡下人，乡巴佬 | |
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60
ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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61
niche
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| n.壁龛；合适的职务(环境、位置等) | |
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62
uncommonly
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| adv. 稀罕(极，非常) | |
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63
invalids
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| 病人，残疾者( invalid的名词复数 ) | |
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64
conceited
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| adj.自负的，骄傲自满的 | |
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65
smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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66
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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67
sneak
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| vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行 | |
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68
sect
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| n.派别，宗教，学派，派系 | |
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69
persuasively
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| adv.口才好地；令人信服地 | |
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70
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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71
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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72
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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73
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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74
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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75
muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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76
steadfast
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| adj.固定的，不变的，不动摇的；忠实的；坚贞不移的 | |
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77
manliest
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| manly（有男子气概的）的最高级形式 | |
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78
belle
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| n.靓女 | |
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79
follies
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| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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80
confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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81
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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82
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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83
improper
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| adj.不适当的，不合适的，不正确的，不合礼仪的 | |
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84
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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85
perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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86
disquiet
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| n.担心，焦虑 | |
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87
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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88
clamorous
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| adj.吵闹的，喧哗的 | |
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89
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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90
riotously
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| adv.骚动地，暴乱地 | |
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91
specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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92
ecstasies
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| 狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 )； 出神； 入迷； 迷幻药 | |
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93
melodrama
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| n.音乐剧；情节剧 | |
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94
burlesque
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| v.嘲弄，戏仿；n.嘲弄，取笑，滑稽模仿 | |
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95
ranting
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| v.夸夸其谈( rant的现在分词 )；大叫大嚷地以…说教；气愤地)大叫大嚷；不停地大声抱怨 | |
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96
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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97
rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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98
scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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99
unevenness
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| n. 不平坦，不平衡，不匀性 | |
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100
impaired
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| adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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101
majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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102
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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103
shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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104
dagger
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| n.匕首，短剑，剑号 | |
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105
corked
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| adj.带木塞气味的，塞着瓶塞的v.用瓶塞塞住( cork的过去式 ) | |
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106
daunted
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| 使（某人）气馁，威吓( daunt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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107
mimic
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| v.模仿，戏弄；n.模仿他人言行的人 | |
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108
beckoned
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| v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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109
kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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110
judicial
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| adj.司法的，法庭的，审判的，明断的，公正的 | |
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111
virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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112
rumbled
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| 发出隆隆声，发出辘辘声( rumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 轰鸣着缓慢行进； 发现…的真相； 看穿（阴谋） | |
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113
mellow
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| adj.柔和的；熟透的；v.变柔和；(使)成熟 | |
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114
pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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115
nun
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| n.修女，尼姑 | |
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116
degenerate
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| v.退步，堕落；adj.退步的，堕落的；n.堕落者 | |
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117
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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118
piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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119
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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120
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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121
wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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122
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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123
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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124
feign
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| vt.假装，佯作 | |
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125
delude
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| vt.欺骗；哄骗 | |
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126
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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127
humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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128
regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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129
discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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130
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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131
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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132
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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133
brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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134
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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135
persistence
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| n.坚持，持续，存留 | |
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136
propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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137
humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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138
devoutly
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| adv.虔诚地，虔敬地，衷心地 | |
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139
rebelliously
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| adv.造反地，难以控制地 | |
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140
submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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141
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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142
delved
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| v.深入探究，钻研( delve的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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143
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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144
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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145
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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146
tugging
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| n.牵引感v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的现在分词 ) | |
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147
humbug
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| n.花招，谎话，欺骗 | |
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148
unpack
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| vt.打开包裹（或行李），卸货 | |
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149
woes
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| 困境( woe的名词复数 )； 悲伤； 我好苦哇； 某人就要倒霉 | |
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150
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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151
emphatic
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| adj.强调的，着重的；无可置疑的，明显的 | |
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152
demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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153
trotted
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| 小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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154
miller
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| n.磨坊主 | |
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155
melodiously
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156
flute
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| n.长笛；v.吹笛 | |
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