Work: A Story of Experience - Chapter 14
时间：2021-01-24 02:32:52
（单词翻译:单击）
DAVID.
MR. POWER received Christie so hospitably1 that she felt at home at once, and took up her new duties with the energy of one anxious to repay a favor. Her friend knew well the saving power of work, and gave her plenty of it; but it was a sort that at once interested and absorbed her, so that she had little time for dangerous thoughts or vain regrets. As he once said, Mr. Power made her own troubles seem light by showing her others so terribly real and great that she was ashamed to repine at her own lot.
Her gift of sympathy served her well, past experience gave her a quick eye to read the truth in others, and the earnest desire to help and comfort made her an excellent almoner for the rich, a welcome friend to the poor. She was in just the right mood to give herself gladly to any sort of sacrifice, and labored3 with a quiet energy, painful to witness had any one known the hidden suffering that would not let her rest.
If she had been a regular novel heroine at this crisis, she would have grown gray in a single night, had a dangerous illness, gone mad, or at least taken to pervading4 the house at unseasonable hours with her back hair down and much wringing5 of the hands. Being only a commonplace woman she did nothing so romantic, but instinctively6 tried to sustain and comfort herself with the humble7, wholesome8 duties and affections which seldom fail to keep heads sane9 and hearts safe. Yet, though her days seemed to pass so busily and cheerfully, it must be confessed that there were lonely vigils in the night; and sometimes in the morning Christie's eyes were very heavy, Christie's pillow wet with tears.
But life never is all work or sorrow; and happy hours, helpful pleasures, are mercifully given like wayside springs to pilgrims trudging10 wearily along. Mr. Power showed Christie many such, and silently provided her with better consolation11 than pity or advice.
"Deeds not words," was his motto; and he lived it out most faithfully. "Books and work" he gave his new charge; and then followed up that prescription12 with "healthful play" of a sort she liked, and had longed for all her life. Sitting at his table Christie saw the best and bravest men and women of our times; for Mr. Power was a magnet that drew them from all parts of the world. She saw and heard, admired and loved them; felt her soul kindle13 with the desire to follow in their steps, share their great tasks, know their difficulties and dangers, and in the end taste the immortal14 satisfactions given to those who live and labor2 for their fellow-men. In such society all other aims seemed poor and petty; for they appeared to live in a nobler world than any she had known, and she felt as if they belonged to another race; not men nor angels, but a delightful15 mixture of the two; more as she imagined the gods and heroes of old; not perfect, but wonderfully strong and brave and good; each gifted with a separate virtue16, and each bent17 on a mission that should benefit mankind.
Nor was this the only pleasure given her. One evening of each week was set apart by Mr. Power for the reception of whomsoever chose to visit him; for his parish was a large one, and his house a safe haunt for refugees from all countries, all oppressions.
Christie enjoyed these evenings heartily18, for there was no ceremony; each comer brought his mission, idea, or need, and genuine hospitality made the visit profitable or memorable19 to all, for entire freedom prevailed, and there was stabling for every one's hobby.
Christie felt that she was now receiving the best culture, acquiring the polish that society gives, and makes truly admirable when character adds warmth and power to its charm. The presence of her bosom20-care calmed the old unrest, softened21 her manners, and at times touched her face with an expression more beautiful than beauty. She was quite unconscious of the changes passing over her; and if any one had told her she was fast becoming a most attractive woman, she would have been utterly22 incredulous. But others saw and felt the new charm; for no deep experience bravely borne can fail to leave its mark, often giving power in return for patience, and lending a subtle loveliness to faces whose bloom it has destroyed.
This fact was made apparent to Christie one evening when she went down to the weekly gathering23 in one of the melancholy24 moods which sometimes oppressed her. She felt dissatisfied with herself because her interest in all things began to flag, and a restless longing25 for some new excitement to break up the monotonous26 pain of her inner life possessed27 her. Being still a little shy in company, she slipped quietly into a recess28 which commanded a view of both rooms, and sat looking listlessly about her while waiting for David, who seldom failed to come.
A curious collection of fellow-beings was before herj and at another time she would have found much to interest and amuse her. In one corner a newly imported German with an Orson-like head, thumb-ring, and the fragrance29 of many meerschaums still hovering30 about him, was hammering away upon some disputed point with a scientific Frenchman, whose national politeness was only equalled by his national volubility. A prominent statesman was talking with a fugitive31 slave; a young poet getting inspiration from the face and voice of a handsome girl who had earned the right to put M. D. to her name. An old philosopher was calming the ardor32 of several rampant33 radicals34, and a famous singer was comforting the heart of an Italian exile by talking politics in his own melodious35 tongue.
There were plenty of reformers: some as truculent36 as Martin Luther; others as beaming and benevolent37 as if the pelting38 of the world had only mellowed39 them, and no amount of denunciatory thunder could sour the milk of human kindness creaming in their happy hearts. There were eager women just beginning their protest against the wrongs that had wrecked40 their peace; subdued41 women who had been worsted in the unequal conflict and given it up; resolute42 women with "No surrender" written all over their strong-minded countenances45; and sweet, hopeful women, whose faith in God and man nothing could shake or sadden.
But to Christie there was only one face worth looking at till David came, and that was Mr. Power's; for he was a perfect host, and pervaded46 the rooms like a genial47 atmosphere, using the welcome of eye and hand which needs no language to interpret it, giving to each guest the intellectual fare he loved, and making their enjoyment48 his own.
"Bless the dear man! what should we all do without him?" thought Christie, following him with grateful eyes, as he led an awkward youth in rusty49 black to the statesman whom it had been the desire of his ambitious soul to meet.
The next minute she proved that she at least could do without the "dear man;" for David entered the room, and she forgot all about him. Here and at church were the only places where the friends had met during these months, except one or two short visits to the little house in the lane when Christie devoted50 herself to Mrs. Sterling51.
David was quite unchanged, though once or twice Christie fancied he seemed ill at ease with her, and immediately tormented52 herself with the idea that some alteration53 in her own manner had perplexed54 or offended him. She did her best to be as frank and cordial as in the happy old days; but it was impossible, and she soon gave it up, assuming in the place of that former friendliness55, a grave and quiet manner which would have led a wiser man than David to believe her busied with her own affairs and rather indifferent to every thing else.
If he had known how her heart danced in her bosom, her eyes brightened, and all the world became endurable, the moment he appeared, he would not have been so long in joining her, nor have doubted what welcome awaited him.
As it was, he stopped to speak to his host; and, before he reappeared, Christie had found the excitement she had been longing for.
"Now some bore will keep him an hour, and the evening is so short," she thought, with a pang56 of disappointment; and, turning her eyes away from the crowd which had swallowed up her heart's desire, they fell upon a gentleman just entering, and remained fixed57 with an expression of unutterable surprise; for there, elegant, calm, and cool as ever, stood Mr. Fletcher.
"How came he here?" was her first question; "How will he behave to me?" her second. As she could answer neither, she composed herself as fast as possible, resolving to let matters take their own course, and feeling in the mood for an encounter with a discarded lover, as she took a womanish satisfaction in remembering that the very personable gentleman before her had once been.
Mr. Fletcher and his companion passed on to find their host; and, with a glance at the mirror opposite, which showed her that the surprise of the moment had given her the color she lacked before, Christie occupied herself with a portfolio58 of engravings, feeling very much as she used to feel when waiting at a side scene for her cue.
She had not long to wait before Mr. Power came up, and presented the stranger; for such he fancied him, never having heard a certain episode in Christie's life. Mr. Fletcher bowed, with no sign of recognition in his face, and began to talk in the smooth, low voice she remembered so well. For the moment, through sheer surprise, Christie listened and replied as any young lady might have done to a new-made acquaintance. But very soon she felt sure that Mr. Fletcher intended to ignore the past; and, finding her on a higher round of the social ladder, to accept the fact and begin again.
At first she was angry, then amused, then interested in the somewhat dramatic turn affairs were taking, and very wisely decided59 to meet him on his own ground, and see what came of it.
In the midst of an apparently60 absorbing discussion of one of Raphael's most insipid61 Madonnas, she was conscious that David had approached, paused, and was scrutinizing62 her companion with unusual interest. Seized with a sudden desire to see the two men together, Christie beckoned63; and when he obeyed, she introduced him, drew him into the conversation, and then left him in the lurch64 by falling silent and taking notes while they talked.
If she wished to wean her heart from David by seeing him at a disadvantage, she could have devised no better way; for, though a very feminine test, it answered the purpose excellently.
Mr. Fletcher was a handsome man, and just then looked his best. Improved health gave energy and color to his formerly65 sallow, listless face: the cold eyes were softer, the hard mouth suave66 and smiling, and about the whole man there was that indescribable something which often proves more attractive than worth or wisdom to keener-sighted women than Christie. Never had he talked better; for, as if he suspected what was in the mind of one hearer, he exerted himself to be as brilliant as possible, and succeeded admirably.
David never appeared so ill, for he had no clew to the little comedy being played before him; and long seclusion67 and natural reserve unfitted him to shine beside a man of the world like Mr. Fletcher. His simple English sounded harsh, after the foreign phrases that slipped so easily over the other's tongue. He had visited no galleries, seen few of the world's wonders, and could only listen when they were discussed. More than once he was right, but failed to prove it, for Mr. Fletcher skilfully68 changed the subject or quenched69 him with a politely incredulous shrug70.
Even in the matter of costume, poor David was worsted; for, in a woman's eyes, dress has wonderful significance. Christie used to think his suit of sober gray the most becoming man could wear; but now it looked shapeless and shabby, beside garments which bore the stamp of Paris in the gloss71 and grace of broadcloth and fine linen72. David wore no gloves: Mr. Fletcher's were immaculate. David's tie was so plain no one observed it: Mr. Fletcher's, elegant and faultless enough for a modern Beau Brummel. David's handkerchief was of the commonest sort (she knew that, for she hemmed73 it herself): Mr. Fletcher's was the finest cambric, and a delicate breath of perfume refreshed the aristocratic nose to which the article belonged.
Christie despised herself as she made these comparisons, and felt how superficial they were; but, having resolved to exalt74 one man at the expense of the other for her own good, she did not relent till David took advantage of a pause, and left them with a reproachful look that made her wish Mr. Fletcher at the bottom of the sea.
When they were alone a subtle change in his face and manner convinced her that he also had been taking notes, and had arrived at a favorable decision regarding herself. Women are quick at making such discoveries; and, even while she talked with him as a stranger, she felt assured that, if she chose, she might make him again her lover.
Here was a temptation! She had longed for some new excitement, and fate seemed to have put one of the most dangerous within her reach. It was natural to find comfort in the knowledge that somebody loved her, and to take pride in her power over one man, because another did not own it. In spite of her better self she felt the fascination75 of the hour, and yielded to it, half unconsciously assuming something of the "dash and daring" which Mr. Fletcher had once confessed to finding so captivating in the demure76 governess. He evidently thought so still, and played his part with spirit; for, while apparently enjoying a conversation which contained no allusion77 to the past, the memory of it gave piquancy78 to that long tete-a-tete.
As the first guests began to go, Mr. Fletcher's friend beckoned to him; and he rose, saying with an accent of regret which changed to one of entreaty79, as he put his question:
"I, too, must go. May I come again, Miss Devon?"
"I am scarcely more than a guest myself; but Mr. Power is always glad to see whoever cares to come," replied Christie rather primly80, though her eyes were dancing with amusement at the recollection of those love passages upon the beach.
"Next time, I shall come not as a stranger, but as a former - may I say friend?" he added quickly, as if emboldened81 by the mirthful eyes that so belied82 the demure lips.
"Now you forget your part," and Christie's primness83 vanished in a laugh. "I am glad of it, for I want to ask about Mrs. Saltonstall and the children. I've often thought of the little dears, and longed to see them."
"They are in Paris with their father."
"Mrs. Saltonstall is well, I hope?"
"She died six months ago."
An expression of genuine sorrow came over Mr. Fletcher's face as he spoke84; and, remembering that the silly little woman was his sister, Christie put out her hand with a look and gesture so full of sympathy that words were unnecessary. Taking advantage of this propitious85 moment, he said, with an expressive86 glance and effective tone: "I am all alone now. You will let me come again?"
"Certainly, if it can give you pleasure," she answered heartily, forgetting herself in pity for his sorrow.
Mr. Fletcher pressed her hand with a grateful, "Thank you!" and wisely went away at once, leaving compassion87 to plead for him better than he could have done it for himself.
Leaning back in her chair, Christie was thinking over this interview so intently that she started when David's voice said close beside her:
"Shall I disturb you if I say, 'Good-night'?"
"I thought you were not going to say it at all," she answered rather sharply.
"I've been looking for a chance; but you were so absorbed with that man I had to wait."
"He came to see Mr. Power, as every one else does, of course."
"Not particularly, so far. But if I knew him, I dare say I should find many good traits in him."
"I know you would!" said Christie, warmly, not thinking of Fletcher, but of David's kindly93 way of finding good in every one.
"He must have improved since you saw him last; for then, if I remember rightly, you found him 'lazy, cross, selfish," and conceited94.'"
"Now, David, I never said any thing of the sort," began Christie, wondering what possessed him to be so satirical and short with her.
"Yes, you did, last September, sitting on the old apple-tree the morning of your birthday."
"What an inconvenient95 memory you have! Well, he was all that then; but he is not an invalid96 now, and so we see his real self."
"I also remember that you gave me the impression that he was an elderly man."
"Isn't forty elderly?"
"He wasn't forty when you taught his sister's children."
"No; but he looked older than he does now, being so ill. I used to think he would be very handsome with good health; and now I see I was right," said Christie, with feigned97 enthusiasm; for it was a new thing to tease David, and she liked it.
But she got no more of it; for, just then, the singer began to sing to the select few who remained, and every one was silent. Leaning on the high back of Christie's chair, David watched the reflection of her face in the long mirror; for she listened to the music with downcast eyes, unconscious what eloquent98 expressions were passing over her countenance44. She seemed a new Christie to David, in that excited mood; and, as he watched her, he thought:
"She loved this man once, or he loved her; and tonight it all comes back to her. How will it end?"
So earnestly did he try to read that altered face that Christie felt the intentness of his gaze, looked up suddenly, and met his eyes in the glass. Something in the expression of those usually serene99 eyes, now darkened and dilated100 with the intensity101 of that long scrutiny102, surprised and troubled her; and, scarcely knowing what she said, she asked quickly:
"Who are you admiring?"
"Not myself."
"I wonder if you'd think me vain if I asked you something that I want to know?" she said, obeying a sudden impulse.
"Ask it, and I'll tell you."
"Am I much changed since you first knew me?"
"Very much."
"For the better or the worse?"
"The better, decidedly."
"Thank you, I hoped so; but one never knows how one seems to other people. I was wondering what you saw in the glass."
"A good and lovely woman, Christie."
How sweet it sounded to hear David say that! so simply and sincerely that it was far more than a mere103 compliment. She did not thank him, but said softly as if to herself:
"So let me seem until I be" -
and then sat silent, so full of satisfaction in the thought that David found her "good and lovely," she could not resist stealing a glance at the tell-tale mirror to see if she might believe him.
She forgot herself, however; for he was off guard now, and stood looking away with brows knit, lips tightly set, and eyes fixed, yet full of fire; his whole attitude and expression that of a man intent on subduing104 some strong impulse by a yet stronger will.
It startled Christie; and she leaned forward, watching him with breathless interest till the song ceased, and, with the old impatient gesture, David seemed to relapse into his accustomed quietude.
"It was the wonderful music that excited him: that was all;" thought Christie; yet, when he came round to say good-night, the strange expression was not gone, and his manner was not his own.
"Shall I ask if I may come again," he said, imitating Mr. Flctcher's graceful105 bow with an odd smile.
"I let him come because he has lost his sister, and is lonely," began Christie, but got no further, for David said, "Good-night!" abruptly106, and was gone without a word to Mr. Power.
"He's in a hurry to get back to his Kitty," she thought, tormenting107 herself with feminine skill. "Never mind," she added, with a defiant108 sort of smile; "I 've got my Philip, handsomer and more in love than ever, if I'm not deceived. I wonder if he will come again?"
Mr. Fletcher did come again, and with flattering regularity109, for several weeks, evidently finding something very attractive in those novel gatherings110. Mr. Power soon saw why he came; and, as Christie seemed to enjoy his presence, the good man said nothing to disturb her, though he sometimes cast an anxious glance toward the recess where the two usually sat, apparently busy with books or pictures; yet, by their faces, showing that an under current of deeper interest than art or literature flowed through their intercourse111.
Christie had not deceived herself, and it was evident that her old lover meant to try his fate again, if she continued to smile upon him as she had done of late. He showed her his sunny side now, and very pleasant she found it. The loss of his sister had touched his heart, and made him long to fill the place her death left vacant. Better health sweetened his temper, and woke the desire to do something worth the doing; and the sight of the only woman he had ever really loved, reawakened the sentiment that had not died, and made it doubly sweet.
Why he cared for Christie he could not tell, but he never had forgotten her; and, when he met her again with that new beauty in her face, he felt that time had only ripened112 the blithe113 girl into a deep-hearted woman, and he loved her with a better love than before. His whole manner showed this; for the half-careless, half-condescending air of former times was replaced by the most courteous114 respect, a sincere desire to win her favor, and at times the tender sort of devotion women find so charming.
Christie felt all this, enjoyed it, and tried to be grateful for it in the way he wished, thinking that hearts could be managed like children, and when one toy is unattainable, be appeased115 by a bigger or a brighter one of another sort.
"I must love some one," she said, as she leaned over a basket of magnificent flowers just left for her by Mr. Fletcher's servant, a thing which often happened now. "Philip has loved me with a fidelity116 that ought to touch my heart. Why not accept him, and enjoy a new life of luxury, novelty, and pleasure? All these things he can give me: all these things are valued, admired, and sought for: and who would appreciate them more than I? I could travel, cultivate myself in many delightful ways, and do so much good. No matter if I was not very happy: I should make Philip so, and have it in my power to comfort many poor souls. That ought to satisfy me; for what is nobler than to live for others?"
This idea attracted her, as it does all generous natures; she became enamoured of self-sacrifice, and almost persuaded herself that it was her duty to marry Mr. Fletcher, whether she loved him or not, in order that she might dedicate her life to the service of poorer, sadder creatures than herself.
But in spite of this amiable117 delusion118, in spite of the desire to forget the love she would have in the love she might have, and in spite of the great improvement in her faithful Philip, Christie could not blind herself to the fact that her head, rather than her heart, advised the match; she could not conquer a suspicion that, however much Mr. Fletcher might love his wife, he would be something of a tyrant119, and she was very sure she never would make a good slave. In her cooler moments she remembered that men are not puppets, to be moved as a woman's will commands, and the uncertainty120 of being able to carry out her charitable plans made her pause to consider whether she would not be selling her liberty too cheaply, if in return she got only dependence121 and bondage122 along with fortune and a home.
So tempted123 and perplexed, self-deluded and self-warned, attracted and repelled124, was poor Christie, that she began to feel as if she had got into a labyrinth125 without any clew to bring her safely out. She longed to ask advice of some one, but could not turn to Mrs. Sterling; and what other woman friend had she except Rachel, from whom she had not heard for months?
As she asked herself this question one day, feeling sure that Mr. Fletcher would come in the evening, and would soon put his fortune to the touch again, the thought of Mrs. Wilkins seemed to answer her.
"Why not?" said Christie: "she is sensible, kind, and discreet126; she may put me right, for I'm all in a tangle127 now with doubts and fears, feelings and fancies. I'll go and see her: that will do me good, even if I don't say a word about my 'werryments,' as the dear soul would call them."
Away she went, and fortunately found her friend alone in the "settin'-room," darning away at a perfect stack of socks, as she creaked comfortably to and fro in her old rocking-chair.
"I was jest wishin' somebody would drop in: it's so kinder lonesome with the children to school and Adelaide asleep. How be you, dear?" said Mrs. Wilkins, with a hospitable128 hug and a beaming smile.
"I'm worried in my mind, so I came to see you," answered Christie, sitting down with a sigh.
"Bless your dear heart, what is to pay. Free your mind, and I'll do my best to lend a hand."
The mere sound of that hearty129 voice comforted Christie, and gave her courage to introduce the little fiction under which she had decided to defraud130 Mrs. Wilkins of her advice. So she helped herself to a very fragmentary blue sock and a big needle, that she might have employment for her eyes, as they were not so obedient as her tongue, and then began in as easy a tone as she could assume.
"Well, you see a friend of mine wants my advice on a very serious matter, and I really don't know what to give her. It is strictly131 confidential132, you know, so I won't mention any names, but just set the case before you and get your opinion, for I've great faith in your sensible way of looking at things."
"Thanky, dear, you'r welcome to my 'pinion133 ef it's wuth any thing. Be these folks you tell of young?" asked Mrs. Wilkins, with evident relish134 for the mystery.
"No, the woman is past thirty, and the man 'most forty, I believe," said Christie, darning away in some trepidation135 at having taken the first plunge136.
"My patience! ain't the creater old enough to know her own mind? for I s'pose she's the one in the quanderry?" exclaimed Mrs. Wilkins, looking over her spectacles with dangerously keen eyes.
"The case is this," said Christie, in guilty haste. "The 'creature' is poor and nobody, the man rich and of good family, so you see it's rather hard for her to decide."
"No, I don't see nothin' of the sort," returned blunt Mrs. Wilkins. "Ef she loves the man, take him: ef she don't, give him the mittin and done with it. Money and friends and family ain't much to do with the matter accordin' to my view. It's jest a plain question betwixt them two. Ef it takes much settlin' they 'd better let it alone."
"She doesn't love him as much as she might, I fancy, but she is tired of grubbing along alone. He is very fond of her, and very rich; and it would be a fine thing for her in a worldly way, I'm sure."
"Oh, she's goin' to marry for a livin' is she? Wal, now I'd ruther one of my girls should grub the wust kind all their days than do that. Hows'ever, it may suit some folks ef they ain't got much heart, and is contented137 with fine clothes, nice vittles, and handsome furnitoor. Selfish, cold, silly kinder women might git on, I dare say; but I shouldn't think any friend of your'n would be one of that sort."
"But she might do a great deal of good, and make others happy even if she was not so herself."
"She might, but I doubt it, for money got that way wouldn't prosper138 wal. Mis'able folks ain't half so charitable as happy ones; and I don't believe five dollars from one of 'em would go half so fur, or be half so comfortin' as a kind word straight out of a cheerful heart. I know some thinks that is a dreadful smart thing to do; but I don't, and ef any one wants to go a sacrificin' herself for the good of others, there's better ways of doin' it than startin' with a lie in her mouth."
Mrs. Wilkins spoke warmly; for Christie's face made her fiction perfectly139 transparent140, though the good woman with true delicacy141 showed no sign of intelligence on that point.
"Then you wouldn't advise my friend to say yes?"
"Sakes alive, no! I'd say to her as I did to my younger sisters when their courtin' time come: 'Jest be sure you're right as to there bein' love enough, then go ahead, and the Lord will bless you.'"
"Did they follow your advice?"
"They did, and both is prosperin' in different ways. Gusty142, she found she was well on't for love, so she married, though Samuel Buck143 was poor, and they're happy as can be a workin' up together, same as Lisha and me did. Addy, she calc'lated she wan't satisfied somehow, so she didn't marry, though James Miller144 was wal off; and she's kep stiddy to her trade, and ain't never repented145. There's a sight said and writ43 about such things," continued Mrs. Wilkins, rambling146 on to give Christie time to think; "but I've an idee that women's hearts is to be trusted ef they ain't been taught all wrong. Jest let 'em remember that they take a husband for wuss as well as better (and there's a sight of wuss in this tryin' world for some on us), and be ready to do their part patient and faithful, and I ain't a grain afraid but what they'll be fetched through, always pervidin' they love the man and not his money."
There was a pause after that last speech, and Christie felt as if her perplexity was clearing away very fast; for Mrs. Wilkins's plain talk seemed to show her things in their true light, with all the illusions of false sentiment and false reasoning stripped away. She felt clearer and stronger already, and as if she could make up her mind very soon when one other point had been discussed.
"I fancy my friend is somewhat influenced by the fact that this man loved and asked her to marry him some years ago. He has not forgotten her, and this touches her heart more than any thing else. It seems as if his love must be genuine to last so long, and not to mind her poverty, want of beauty, and accomplishments147; for he is a proud and fastidious man."
"I think wal of him for that!" said Mrs. Wilkins, approvingly; "but I guess she's wuth all he gives her, for there must be somethin' pretty gennywin' in her to make him overlook her lacks and hold on so stiddy. It don't alter her side of the case one mite148 though; for love is love, and ef she ain't got it, he'd better not take gratitude149 instid, but sheer off and leave her for somebody else."
"Nobody else wants her!" broke from Christie like an involuntary cry of pain; then she hid her face by stooping to gather up the avalanche150 of hosiery which fell from her lap to the floor.
"She can't be sure of that," said Mrs. Wilkins cheerily, though her spectacles were dim with sudden mist. "I know there's a mate for her somewheres, so she'd better wait a spell and trust in Providence151. It wouldn't be so pleasant to see the right one come along after she'd went and took the wrong one in a hurry: would it? Waitin' is always safe, and time needn't be wasted in frettin' or bewailin'; for the Lord knows there's a sight of good works sufferin' to be done, and single women has the best chance at 'em."
"I've accomplished152 one good work at any rate; and, small as it is, I feel better for it. Give this sock to your husband, and tell him his wife sets a good example both by precept153 and practice to other women, married or single. Thank you very much, both for myself and my friend, who shall profit by your advice," said Christie, feeling that she had better go before she told every thing.
"I hope she will," returned Mrs. Wilkins, as her guest went away with a much happier face than the one she brought. "And ef I know her, which I think I do, she'll find that Cinthy Wilkins ain't fur from right, ef her experience is good for any thing," added the matron with a sigh, and a glance at a dingy154 photograph of her Lisha on the wall, a sigh that seemed to say there had been a good deal of "wuss" in her bargain, though she was too loyal to confess it.
Something in Christie's face struck Mr. Fletcher at once when he appeared that evening. He had sometimes found her cold and quiet, often gay and capricious, usually earnest and cordial, with a wistful look that searched his face and both won and checked him by its mute appeal, seeming to say, "Wait a little till I have taught my heart to answer as you wish."
To-night her eyes shunned155 his, and when he caught a glimpse of them they were full of a soft trouble; her manner was kinder than ever before, and yet it made him anxious, for there was a resolute expression about her lips even when she smiled, and though he ventured upon allusions156 to the past hitherto tacitly avoided, she listened as if it had no tender charm for her.
Being thoroughly157 in earnest now, Mr. Fletcher resolved to ask the momentous158 question again without delay. David was not there, and had not been for several weeks, another thorn in Christie's heart, though she showed no sign of regret, and said to herself, "It is better so." His absence left Fletcher master of the field, and he seized the propitious moment.
"Will you show me the new picture? Mr. Power spoke of it, but I do not like to trouble him."
"With pleasure," and Christie led the way to a little room where the newly arrived gift was placed.
She knew what was coming, but was ready, and felt a tragic159 sort of satisfaction in the thought of all she was relinquishing160 for love of David.
No one was in the room, but a fine copy of Michael Angelo's Fates hung on the wall, looking down at them with weird161 significance.
"They look as if they would give a stern answer to any questioning of ours," Mr. Fletcher said, after a glance of affected162 interest.
"They would give a true one I fancy," answered Christie, shading her eyes as if to see the better.
"I 'd rather question a younger, fairer Fate, hoping that she will give me an answer both true and kind. May I, Christie?"
"I will be true but - I cannot be kind." It cost her much to say that; yet she did it steadily163, though he held her hand in both his own, and waited for her words with ardent164 expectation.
"Not yet perhaps, - but in time, when I have proved how sincere my love is, how entire my repentance165 for the ungenerous words you have not forgotten. I wanted you then for my own sake, now I want you for yourself, because I love and honor you above all women. I tried to forget you, but I could not; and all these years have carried in my heart a very tender memory of the girl who dared to tell me that all I could offer her was not worth her love."
"I was mistaken," began Christie, finding this wooing much harder to withstand than the other.
"No, you were right: I felt it then and resented it, but I owned it later, and regretted it more bitterly than I can tell. I'm not worthy166 of you; I never shall be: but I've loved you for five years without hope, and I'll wait five more if in the end you will come to me. Christie, I need you very much!"
If Mr. Fletcher had gone down upon his knees and poured out the most ardent protestations that ever left a lover's lips, it would not have touched her as did that last little appeal, uttered with a break in the voice that once was so proud and was so humble now.
"Forgive me!" she cried, looking up at him with real respect in her face, and real remorse167 smiting168 her conscience. "Forgive me! I have misled you and myself. I tried to love you: I was grateful for your regard, touched by your fidelity, and I hoped I might repay it; but I cannot! I cannot!"
"Why?"
Such a hard question! She owed him all the truth, yet how could she tell it? She could not in words, but her face did, for the color rose and burned on cheeks and forehead with painful fervor169; her eyes fell, and her lips trembled as if endeavoring to keep down the secret that was escaping against her will. A moment of silence as Mr. Fletcher searched for the truth and found it; then he said with such sharp pain in his voice that Christie's heart ached at the sound:
"I see: I am too late?"
"Yes."
"And there is no hope?"
"None."
"Then there is nothing more for me to say but good-by. May you be happy."
"I shall not be; - I have no hope; - I only try to be true to you and to myself. Oh, believe it, and pity me as I do you!"
As the words broke from Christie, she covered up her face, bowed down with the weight of remorse that made her long to atone170 for what she had done by any self-humiliation.
Mr. Fletcher was at his best at that moment; for real love ennobles the worst and weakest while it lasts: but he could not resist the temptation that confession171 offered him. He tried to be generous, but the genuine virtue was not in him; he did want Christie very much, and the knowledge of a rival in her heart only made her the dearer.
"I'm not content with your pity, sweet as it is: I want your love, and I believe that I might earn it if you would let me try. You are all alone, and life is hard to you: come to me and let me make it happier. I'll be satisfied with friendship till you can give me more."
He said this very tenderly, caressing172 the bent head while he spoke, and trying to express by tone and gesture how eagerly he longed to receive and cherish what that other man neglected.
Christie felt this to her heart's core, and for a moment longed to end the struggle, say, "Take me," and accept the shadow for the substance. But those last words of his vividly173 recalled the compact made with David that happy birthday night. How could she be his friend if she was Mr. Fletcher's wife? She knew she could not be true to both, while her heart reversed the sentiment she then would owe them: David's friendship was dearer than Philip's love, and she would keep it at all costs. These thoughts flashed through her mind in the drawing of a breath, and she looked up, saying steadily in spite of wet eyes and still burning cheeks:
"Hope nothing; wait for nothing from me. I will have no more delusions174 for either of us: it is weak and wicked, for I know I shall not change. Some time we may venture to be friends perhaps, but not now. Forgive me, and be sure I shall suffer more than you for this mistake of mine."
When she had denied his suit before he had been ungenerous and angry; for his pride was hurt and his will thwarted175: now his heart bled and hope died hard; but all that was manliest176 in him rose to help him bear the loss, for this love was genuine, and made him both just and kind. His face was pale with the pain of that fruitless passion, and his voice betrayed how hard he strove for self-control, as he said hurriedly:
"You need not suffer: this mistake has given me the happiest hours of my life, and I am better for having known so sweet and true a woman. God bless you, Christie!" and with a quick embrace that startled her by its suddenness and strength he left her, standing177 there alone before the three grim Fates.
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1
hospitably
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| 亲切地，招待周到地，善于款待地 | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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labored
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| adj.吃力的，谨慎的v.努力争取(for)( labor的过去式和过去分词 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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pervading
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的现在分词 ) | |
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wringing
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| 淋湿的，湿透的 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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trudging
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| vt.& vi.跋涉，吃力地走（trudge的现在分词形式） | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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prescription
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| n.处方，开药；指示，规定 | |
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13
kindle
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| v.点燃，着火 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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17
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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memorable
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| adj.值得回忆的，难忘的，特别的，显著的 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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21
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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22
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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27
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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recess
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| n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处） | |
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29
fragrance
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| n.芬芳，香味，香气 | |
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30
hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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31
fugitive
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| adj.逃亡的，易逝的；n.逃犯，逃亡者 | |
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32
ardor
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| n.热情，狂热 | |
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33
rampant
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| adj.(植物)蔓生的；狂暴的，无约束的 | |
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34
radicals
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| n.激进分子( radical的名词复数 )；根基；基本原理；[数学]根数 | |
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35
melodious
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| adj.旋律美妙的，调子优美的，音乐性的 | |
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36
truculent
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| adj.野蛮的，粗野的 | |
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37
benevolent
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| adj.仁慈的，乐善好施的 | |
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38
pelting
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| 微不足道的，无价值的，盛怒的 | |
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39
mellowed
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| （使）成熟( mellow的过去式和过去分词 )； 使色彩更加柔和，使酒更加醇香 | |
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40
wrecked
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| adj.失事的，遇难的 | |
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41
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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42
resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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43
writ
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| n.命令状，书面命令 | |
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44
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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45
countenances
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| n.面容( countenance的名词复数 )；表情；镇静；道义支持 | |
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46
pervaded
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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47
genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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48
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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49
rusty
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| adj.生锈的；锈色的；荒废了的 | |
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50
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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51
sterling
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| adj.英币的(纯粹的，货真价实的)；n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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52
tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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53
alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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54
perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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55
friendliness
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| n.友谊，亲切，亲密 | |
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56
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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57
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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58
portfolio
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| n.公事包；文件夹；大臣及部长职位 | |
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59
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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60
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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61
insipid
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| adj.无味的，枯燥乏味的，单调的 | |
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62
scrutinizing
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| v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的现在分词 ) | |
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63
beckoned
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| v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64
lurch
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| n.突然向前或旁边倒；v.蹒跚而行 | |
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65
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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66
suave
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| adj.温和的；柔和的；文雅的 | |
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seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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skilfully
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| adv. (美skillfully)熟练地 | |
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69
quenched
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| 解（渴）( quench的过去式和过去分词 )； 终止（某事物）； （用水）扑灭（火焰等）； 将（热物体）放入水中急速冷却 | |
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70
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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71
gloss
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| n.光泽，光滑；虚饰；注释；vt.加光泽于；掩饰 | |
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72
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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73
hemmed
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| 缝…的褶边( hem的过去式和过去分词 )； 包围 | |
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exalt
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| v.赞扬，歌颂，晋升，提升 | |
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fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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76
demure
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| adj.严肃的；端庄的 | |
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allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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78
piquancy
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| n.辛辣，辣味，痛快 | |
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entreaty
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| n.恳求，哀求 | |
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80
primly
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| adv.循规蹈矩地，整洁地 | |
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81
emboldened
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| v.鼓励，使有胆量( embolden的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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82
belied
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| v.掩饰( belie的过去式和过去分词 )；证明（或显示）…为虚假；辜负；就…扯谎 | |
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83
primness
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| n.循规蹈矩，整洁 | |
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84
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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85
propitious
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| adj.吉利的；顺利的 | |
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expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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87
compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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88
elegance
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| n.优雅；优美，雅致；精致，巧妙 | |
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89
salon
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| n.[法]沙龙；客厅；营业性的高级服务室 | |
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dodge
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| v.闪开，躲开，避开；n.妙计，诡计 | |
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91
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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92
abruptness
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| n. 突然，唐突 | |
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93
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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94
conceited
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| adj.自负的，骄傲自满的 | |
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inconvenient
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| adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的 | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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feigned
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| a.假装的，不真诚的 | |
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eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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100
dilated
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| adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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101
intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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102
scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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103
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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104
subduing
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| 征服( subdue的现在分词 )； 克制； 制服； 色变暗 | |
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105
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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106
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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107
tormenting
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| 使痛苦的，使苦恼的 | |
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108
defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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109
regularity
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| n.规律性，规则性；匀称，整齐 | |
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110
gatherings
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| 聚集( gathering的名词复数 )； 收集； 采集； 搜集 | |
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111
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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112
ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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113
blithe
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| adj.快乐的，无忧无虑的 | |
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114
courteous
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| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
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115
appeased
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| 安抚，抚慰( appease的过去式和过去分词 )； 绥靖（满足另一国的要求以避免战争） | |
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116
fidelity
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| n.忠诚，忠实；精确 | |
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117
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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118
delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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119
tyrant
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| n.暴君，专制的君主，残暴的人 | |
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120
uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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121
dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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122
bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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123
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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124
repelled
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| v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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125
labyrinth
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| n.迷宫；难解的事物；迷路 | |
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126
discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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127
tangle
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| n.纠缠；缠结；混乱；v.(使)缠绕；变乱 | |
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128
hospitable
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| adj.好客的；宽容的；有利的，适宜的 | |
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129
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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130
defraud
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| vt.欺骗，欺诈 | |
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131
strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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132
confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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133
pinion
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| v.束缚；n.小齿轮 | |
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134
relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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135
trepidation
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| n.惊恐，惶恐 | |
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136
plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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137
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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138
prosper
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| v.成功，兴隆，昌盛；使成功，使昌隆，繁荣 | |
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139
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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140
transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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141
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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142
gusty
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| adj.起大风的 | |
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143
buck
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| n.雄鹿，雄兔；v.马离地跳跃 | |
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144
miller
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| n.磨坊主 | |
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145
repented
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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146
rambling
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| adj.[建]凌乱的，杂乱的 | |
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147
accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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148
mite
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| n.极小的东西；小铜币 | |
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149
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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150
avalanche
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| n.雪崩，大量涌来 | |
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151
providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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152
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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153
precept
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| n.戒律；格言 | |
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154
dingy
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| adj.昏暗的，肮脏的 | |
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155
shunned
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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156
allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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157
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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158
momentous
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| adj.重要的，重大的 | |
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159
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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160
relinquishing
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| 交出，让给( relinquish的现在分词 )； 放弃 | |
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161
weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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162
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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163
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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164
ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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165
repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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166
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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167
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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168
smiting
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的现在分词 ) | |
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169
fervor
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| n.热诚；热心；炽热 | |
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170
atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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171
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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172
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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173
vividly
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| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
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174
delusions
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| n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 )；谬见；错觉；妄想 | |
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175
thwarted
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| 阻挠( thwart的过去式和过去分词 )； 使受挫折； 挫败； 横过 | |
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176
manliest
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| manly（有男子气概的）的最高级形式 | |
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177
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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