Joke: Fast Car

One day, an extremely rich business man decides that the time has come to indulge himself. He has been working hard and making money all his life, and he rarely spends any of it on himself. So he goes out and buys the world's fastest commercial vehicle: the all-custom 2001 Chevrolet Zoom¹. This puppy can hit 350 mph on a straightaway and has all the trimmings. Leather, CD, Sunroof, GPS, everything. It cost him a cool $3 million.

He decides to take it for an afternoon spin. He's just cruising around town with one arm out the window, having the time of his life, when he gets to a red light. He pulls up next to an old guy on a little moped who is already waiting at the light.

"Now THAT'S a car," the old guy says with awe². "What on earth did that cost you?"

"Three million," the rich guy proclaimed. "And that was a steal. This here is the world's fastest commercial vehicle."

"You're kidding!" the old guy scoffed³. "How fast?"

"350."

The old guy's jaw⁴ dropped. "Hey, do you mind if I take a look around inside real quick?"

"Not at all," the rich guy said.

The old guy leans way over and sticks his head in the window. After looking around for a few seconds, he sits back down on his moped. "That's a fine car," he said, nodding his head.

Just then, the stoplight turned to green, and the rich guy decided⁵ to show this old man what his car is really capable of. He floors it out of the intersection⁶, and in a few seconds he is happily cruising along at 350 mph.

He happens to glance in his rearview mirror, and notices to his dismay a speck⁷ on the horizon that seems to be getting closer. Sure enough, the speck comes closer and closer until WHOOSH⁸! it passes him. The rich guy just can't figure out what's going on here, so he pulls over. He sees the speck again on the horizon in front of him coming back towards him, and sure enough, WHOOSH! it passes him again. This time, though, he was prepared and got a better look at it. He could have sworn that he saw the old guy on the moped. "But that's impossible," he thought to himself.

Once again, the thing was coming back at the rear of his car, only this time it looked like it was going to hit. And hit it did. There was a loud crash as the thing slammed into the back of the Chevy Zoom.

The rich guy jumps out of the car and runs around to the back, where the old guy is dying on the road, pieces of his moped scattered⁹ around him.

"Oh, my God!" the rich guy said, horrified¹⁰. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes," the old man responded feebly. "Before I die, I want you to unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."