Joke: Computer Rednecks

WARNING: IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT YOU PUT DOWN THE BEER CAN AND THE SHOTGUN BEFORE READING ANY FURTHER

Ya might be a redneck addicted¹ to the world of computers if...

If yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks.

Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization.

Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and ya ask if they need bail³ money.

Ya've ever been too drunk to chat.

Yer screen saver is a confederate flag and plays dixie.

Ya think a harddrive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.

Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

Ya think a surge supressor is a pill for diarrhea.

Ya keep trying to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police radio calls.

Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds.

Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.

Yer stomach overlaps⁴ half of yer keyboard.

Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the recyclin' bin⁵.

Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote.

Ya try to figure out how yer floppy⁶ disk got hard.

Ya play frisbee⁷ with yer CD Rom's

Ya find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.

When birds fly across yer screen an ya reach for yer shotgun.

Ya put a mousetrap on yer desk

Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder² blocks.

Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder⁸.

Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail.

When ya tern yer computer on ya say "Come OOOOOOON Betsy".

Ya think system wizard is a dude in a funny hat.

Ya think 64 M RAM⁹ is a nu big block engine fer yer pickup¹⁰.

Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.

Someone tellz ya yer computer has a bug¹¹ an ya reach for the can of Raid.

Ya think a mouse pad iz where Mighty¹² Mouse and his cousins hang.

Ya go buy a surfboard to surf the net.

Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live.

Ya give Derections to a website that include a person, animal, or old barn.

Ya Think MB stands for "More Beer".

Ya wait fer the bluelight special at K-Mart ta buy yer puter.

Ya see the word Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun.

Ya think the person that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the letters aint in order.

Ya think pushing the delete key will make yer ol' lady disappear.

Ya think CD stands for Cow Dung.

Ya think IBM stands for "Idn't Betsy Marvelous"

Ya think GIF stands fer "Goodie It's Free"

Ya Think Mirabilis is a new brand of smokes.

Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears.

Ya put a quilt over yer screen when a make whoopee to yer ol' lady.

Ya wonder why yer screen saver ain't wearing a cape¹³ like that there superhero on the cartoons.

Ya think screen saver is a new flavor o' candy.

Ya think Geocities is a place ta buy lil cars.

Ya catch yerself tryin' to smell the lil flower on yer ICQ contact list.

Ya think the "A drive" is where ya park yer pickup.

Ya see the werd "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft.

Yer puter has a bumper¹⁴ sticker on it.

Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.

Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another beer.

You's in a chat room and someone asks where yer from and you reply "My momma"

You sees the word "Website" and start looking for spiders.