Joke: Witness

A small town prosecuting¹ attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly², you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you're a cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned³. Not knowing what else to do he pointed⁴ across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense⁵ attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted⁶, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors⁷ to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you ask her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"