That Been to Me My Lives Light and Saviour

    by Susan Wheeler

    Purse be full again， or else must I die. This is the wish

    the trees in hell's seventh circle lacked， bark ripped by monstrous¹ dogs，

    bleeding from each wound. We see them languid there，

    the lightened purse a demon² drug. Less， less.

    At the canal， the dog loops trees in a figure eight -

    a cacophony³ of insects under sun. A man against a tree nods off.

    Let there be no sandwich for the empty purse.

    Let there be no raiment for someone skint.

    Let blood run out， let the currency remove.

    Let that which troubles trouble not.

    My father in the driveway. Legs splayed behind him. Pail beside him.

    Sorting handfuls of gravel⁴ by shade and size. One way to calm

    a pecker， compensate⁵ for stash⁶. Dad！ I lied.

    The man shifts by the tree and now grace is upon him.

    The slant⁷ of sun picks up the coins dropped by travelers and - lo！ -

    grace enables him to see. The demon dog fresh off an eight barks， too，

    standing⁸， struck by the man， by the coins， barks at their glare；

    the man reaches in scrim at the glint in the light and thinks Another

    malt. The flesh is willing， the spirit spent，

    the cloud passes over -

    relief is not what you think， not the light. Regard the barking

    dog now tugging⁹ at the dead man's leg becoming bark.

    You be my life， you be my heart's guide，

    you be the provision providing more，

    you be the blood - stanch¹⁰ the sore！ -

    you be failing

    proportion （mete¹¹） . . .

    Steward¹² of gravel squints¹³ up at the girl who is me.

    What？ defensively. Out of the east woods， a foaming¹⁵ raccoon spills.

    Palmolive executive？ Palmolive customer？ Palm's stony¹⁶ olives

    on the embankment of limestone¹⁷ or soapstone or

    shale¹⁸. Leg of the man clamped in the dog's mouth. Mouth

    of the man open and unmoved. Voice of the man：

    Three dolls sat within a wood， and stared， and wet when it rained

    into their kewpie mouths. They were mine to remonstrate¹⁹ to the

    trees at large， the catalpas and the fir， the sugar maples²⁰ in the

    glade²¹ turning gold. To each is given， one doll began， so I had

    to turn her off. Consider how it was for me -

    Flash of the arrow and the foam¹⁴ falls down. Three balletists

    ignoring pliés bound onto the long lawn and its canalward

    slope. I am underwater and they haze²² in the light，

    mouth

    but do not sound. In the arrow's blink they start.

    Decimal as piercing of the line -

    Table as imposition of the grid²³ -

    Sum as heuristic apoplex -

    Columns in honeysuckle cents - or not.

    Just this transpired²⁴. Against a tree I swooned and fell， and

    water seeped²⁵ into my shoe， and a dream began to grow in me.

    Or despair， and so I chose the dream. And while I slept，

    I was being fed， and clothed， addressed - as though awake

    with every faculty²⁶， and so it went. Then： blaze， blare of sun

    after years uncounted， and synesthesia of it and sound，

    the junco's chirp²⁷ and then the jay's torn caw， arc

    of trucks on the distant interstate， your what the fuck

    and then her call. Beside me， pinned to a green leaf，

    in plastic and neat hand， a full account. I had indeed still

    lived， and been woke for more. So， weeping then， I rose.