Four Poems for Robin

 

    by Gary Snyder

    Siwashing It Out Once in Suislaw Forest

    I slept under     rhododendron

    All night    blossoms fell

    Shivering on a sheet of cardboard

    Feet stuck   in my pack

    Hands deep    in my pockets

    Barely  able    to   sleep.

    I remembered    when we were in school

    Sleeping together   in a big warm bed

    We were     the youngest lovers

    When we broke up     we were still nineteen

    Now our   friends are married

    You teach  school back east

    I dont mind     living this way

    Green hills   the long blue beach

    But sometimes   sleeping in the open

    I think back    when I had you.

    A Spring Night in Shokoku-ji

    Eight years ago this May

    We walked under cherry blossoms

    At night in an orchard¹ in Oregon.

    All that I wanted then

    Is forgotten now， but you.

    Here in the night

    In a garden of the old capital

    I feel the trembling ghost of Yugao

    I remember your cool body

    Naked under a summer cotton dress.

    An Autumn Morning in Shokoku-ji

    Last night watching the Pleiades，

    Breath smoking in the moonlight，

    Bitter memory like vomit²

    Choked my throat.

    I unrolled a sleeping bag

    On mats on the porch

    Under thick autumn stars.

    In dream you appeared

    （Three times in nine years）

    Wild， cold， and accusing.

    I woke shamed and angry：

    The pointless wars of the heart.

    Almost dawn. Venus and Jupiter.

    The first time I have

    Ever seen them close.

    December at Yase

    You said， that October，

    In the tall dry grass by the orchard

    When you chose to be free，

    "Again someday， maybe ten years."

    After college I saw you

    One time. You were strange.

    And I was obsessed³ with a plan.

    Now ten years and more have

    Gone by： I've always known

    where you were——

    I might have gone to you

    Hoping to win your love back.

    You still are single.

    I didn't.

    I thought I must make it alone. I

    Have done that.

    Only in dream， like this dawn，

    Does the grave， awed⁴ intensity⁵

    Of our young love

    Return to my mind， to my flesh.

    We had what the others

    All crave⁶ and seek for；

    We left it behind at nineteen.

    I feel ancient， as though I had

    Lived many lives.

    And may never now know

    If I am a fool

    Or have done what my

    karma demands.