Hospital Sketches - Chapter 2

 

As travellers like to give their own impressions of a journey, though every inch of the way may have been described a half a dozen times before, I add some of the notes made by the way, hoping that they will amuse the reader, and convince the skeptical¹ that such a being as Nurse Periwinkle does exist, that she really did go to Washington, and that these Sketches² are not romance.

 

New York Train - Seven P.M. - Spinning along to take the boat at New London. Very comfortable; much gingerbread, and Mrs. C.'s fine pear, which deserves honorable mention, because my first loneliness was comforted by it, and pleasant recollections of both kindly³ sender and bearer. Look much at Dr. H.'s paper of directions - put my tickets in every conceivable place, that they may be get-at-able, and finish by losing them entirely⁴. Suffer agonies till a compassionate⁵ neighbor pokes⁶ them out of a crack with his pen-knife. Put them in the inmost corner of my purse, that in the deepest recesses⁷ of my pocket, pile a collection of miscellaneous（混杂的） articles atop, and pin up the whole. Just get composed, feeling that I've done my best to keep them safely, when the Conductor appears, and I'm forced to rout⁸ them all out again, exposing my precautions, and getting into a flutter at keeping the man waiting. Finally, fasten them on the seat before me, and keep one eye steadily⁹ upon the yellow torments¹⁰, till I forget all about them, in chat with the gentleman who shares my seat. Having heard complaints of the absurd way in which American women become images of petrified¹¹ propriety¹², if addressed by strangers, when traveling alone, the inborn¹³ perversity¹⁴ of my nature causes me to assume an entirely opposite style of deportment; and, finding my companion hails from Little Athens, is acquainted with several of my three hundred and sixty-five cousins, and in every way a respectable and respectful member of society, I put my bashfulness in my pocket, and plunge¹⁵ into a long conversation on the war, the weather, music, Carlyle, skating, genius, hoops¹⁷（箍，街头篮球）, and the immortality¹⁸ of the soul.

 

Ten P.M. - Very sleepy. Nothing to be seen outside, but darkness made visible; nothing inside but every variety of bunch into which the human form can be twisted, rolled, or "massed," as Miss Prescott says of her jewels. Every man's legs sprawl¹⁹ drowsily²⁰, every woman's head (but mine,) nods, till it finally settles on somebody's shoulder, a new proof of the truth of the everlasting²¹ oak and vine simile²²; children fret²³; lovers whisper; old folks snore, and somebody privately²⁴ imbibes²⁵ brandy, when the lamps go out. The penetrating²⁶ perfume rouses the multitude, causing some to start up, like war horses at the smell of powder. When the lamps are relighted, every one laughs, sniffs²⁸, and looks inquiringly at his neighbor - every one but a stout²⁹ gentleman, who, with well-gloved hands folded upon his broad-cloth rotundity, sleeps on impressively. Had he been innocent, he would have waked up; for, to slumber³⁰ in that babe-like manner, with a car full of giggling³¹, staring, sniffing³² humanity, was simply preposterous³³. Public suspicion was down upon him at once. I doubt if the appearance of a flat black bottle with a label would have settled the matter more effectually than did the over dignified³⁴ and profound repose³⁵ of this short-sighted being. His moral neck- cloth, virtuous³⁶ boots, and pious³⁷ attitude availed him nothing, and it was well he kept his eyes shut, for "Humbug³⁸!" twinkled at him from every window-pane, brass³⁹ nail and human eye around him.

 

Eleven P.M. - In the boat "City of Boston," escorted thither⁴⁰ by my car acquaintance, and deposited in the cabin. Trying to look as if the greater portion of my life had been passed on board boats, but painfully conscious that I don't know the first thing; so sit bolt upright, and stare about me till I hear one lady say to another - "We must secure our berths⁴² at once;" whereupon I dart⁴³ at one, and, while leisurely⁴⁴ taking off my cloak, wait to discover what the second move may be. Several ladies draw the curtains that hang in a semi-circle before each nest - instantly I whisk mine smartly together, and then peep out to see what next. Gradually, on hooks above the blue and yellow drapery, appear the coats and bonnets⁴⁶ of my neighbors, while their boots and shoes, in every imaginable attitude, assert themselves below, as if their owners had committed suicide in a body. A violent creaking, scrambling⁴⁷, and fussing, causes the fact that people are going regularly to bed to dawn upon my mind. Of course they are; and so am I - but pause at the seventh pin, remembering that, as I was born to be drowned, an eligible⁴⁸ opportunity now presents itself; and, having twice escaped a watery⁴⁹ grave, the third immersion⁵⁰ will certainly extinguish my vital spark. The boat is new, but if it ever intends to blow up, spring a leak, catch afire, or be run into, it will do the deed to-night, because I'm here to fulfill⁵¹ my destiny. With tragic⁵² calmness I resign myself, replace my pins, lash⁵³ my purse and papers together, with my handkerchief, examine the saving circumference⁵⁴ of my hoop¹⁶, and look about me for any means of deliverance when the moist moment shall arrive; for I've no intention of folding my hands and bubbling to death without an energetic splashing first. Barrels, hen-coops, portable settees, and life-preservers do not adorn⁵⁵ the cabin, as they should; and, roving wildly to and fro, my eye sees no ray of hope till it falls upon a plump（丰满的） old lady, devoutly⁵⁶ reading in the cabin Bible, and a voluminous night-cap. I remember that, at the swimming school, fat girls always floated best, and in an instant my plan is laid. At the first alarm I firmly attach myself to the plump lady, and cling to her through fire and water; for I feel that my old enemy, the cramp⁵⁷, will seize me by the foot, if I attempt to swim; and, though I can hardly expect to reach Jersey⁵⁸ City with myself and my baggage in as good condition as I hoped, I might manage to get picked up by holding to my fat friend; if not it will be a comfort to feel that I've made an effort and shall die in good society. Poor dear woman! how little she dreamed, as she read and rocked, with her cap in a high state of starch⁵⁹（淀粉）, and her feet comfortably cooking at the register, what fell designs were hovering⁶⁰ about her, and how intently a small but determined⁶¹ eye watched her, till it suddenly closed.

 

Sleep got the better of fear to such an extent that my boots appeared to gape⁶², and my bonnet⁴⁵ nodded on its peg⁶³, before I gave in. Having piled my cloak, bag, rubbers, books and umbrella on the lower shelf, I drowsily swarmed⁶⁴ onto the upper one, tumbling down a few times, and excoriating⁶⁵ the knobby portions of my frame in the act. A very brief nap on the upper roost was enough to set me gasping⁶⁶ as if a dozen feather beds and the whole boat were laid over me. Out I turned; and after a series of convulsions, which caused my neighbor to ask if I wanted the stewardess⁶⁷, I managed to get my luggage up and myself down. But even in the lower berth⁴¹, my rest was not unbroken, for various articles kept dropping off the little shelf at the bottom of the bed, and every time I flew up, thinking my hour had come, I bumped my head severely⁶⁸ against the little shelf at the top, evidently put there for that express purpose. At last, after listening to the swash of the waves outside, wondering if the machinery⁶⁹ usually creaked in that way, and watching a knot-hole in the side of my berth, sure that death would creep in there as soon as I took my eye from it, I dropped asleep, and dreamed of muffins.

 

Five A.M. - On deck, trying to wake up and enjoy an east wind and a morning fog, and a twilight⁷⁰ sort of view of something on the shore. Rapidly achieve my purpose, and do enjoy every moment, as we go rushing through the Sound, with steamboats passing up and down, lights dancing on the shore, mist wreaths slowly furling off, and a pale pink sky above us, as the sun comes up.

 

Seven A.M. - In the cars, at Jersey City. Much fuss with tickets, which one man scribbles⁷¹ over, another snips⁷², and a third "makes note on." Partake of refreshment⁷³, in the gloom of a very large and dirty depot⁷⁴. Think that my sandwiches would be more relishing⁷⁵ without so strong a flavor of napkin, and my gingerbread more easy of consumption if it had not been pulverized⁷⁶ by being sat upon. People act as if early traveling didn't agree with them. Children scream and scamper⁷⁷; men smoke and growl⁷⁸; women shiver and fret; porters swear; great truck horses pace up and down with loads of baggage; and every one seems to get into the wrong car, and come tumbling out again. One man, with three children, a dog, a bird-cage, and several bundles, puts himself and his possessions into every possible place where a man, three children, dog, bird-cage and bundles could be got, and is satisfied with none of them. I follow their movements, with an interest that is really exhausting, and, as they vanish, hope for rest, but don't get it. A strong-minded woman, with a tumbler in her hand, and no cloak or shawl on, comes rushing through the car, talking loudly to a small porter, who lugs⁷⁹ a folding bed after her, and looks as if life were a burden to him.

 

"You promised to have it ready. It is not ready. It must be a car with a water jar, the windows must be shut, the fire must be kept up, the blinds must be down. No, this won't do. I shall go through the whole train, and suit myself, for you promised to have it ready. It is not ready," &c., all through again, like a hand-organ. She haunted the cars, the depot, the office and baggage-room, with her bed, her tumbler, and her tongue, till the train started; and a sense of fervent⁸⁰ gratitude⁸¹ filled my soul, when I found that she and her unknown invalid⁸² were not to share our car.

 

Philadelphia. - An old place, full of Dutch women, in "bellus top" bonnets, selling vegetables, in long, open markets. Every one seems to be scrubbing their white steps. All the houses look like tidy jails, with their outside shutters⁸³. Several have crape on the door-handles, and many have flags flying from roof or balcony. Few men appear, and the women seem to do the business, which, perhaps, accounts for its being so well done. Pass fine buildings, but don't know what they are. Would like to stop and see my native city; for, having left it at the tender age of two, my recollections are not vivid.

 

Baltimore. - A big, dirty, shippy, shiftless place, full of goats, geese, colored people, and coal, at least the part of it I see. Pass near the spot where the riot took place, and feel as if I should enjoy throwing a stone at somebody, hard. Find a guard at the ferry, the depot, and here and there, along the road. A camp whitens one hill-side, and a cavalry⁸⁴ training school, or whatever it should be called, is a very interesting sight, with quantities of horses and riders galloping⁸⁵, marching, leaping, and skirmishing, over all manner of break-neck places. A party of English people get in - the men, with sandy hair and red whiskers, all trimmed alike, to a hair; rough grey coats, very rosy⁸⁶, clean faces, and a fine, full way of speaking, which is particularly agreeable, after our slip-shod American gabble. The two ladies wear funny velvet⁸⁷ fur-trimmed hoods⁸⁸; are done up, like compact bundles, in tar²⁷ tan shawls; and look as if bent⁸⁹ on seeing everything thoroughly⁹⁰. The devotion of one elderly John Bull to his red-nosed spouse⁹¹ was really beautiful to behold⁹². She was plain and cross, and fussy⁹³ and stupid, but J. B., Esq., read no papers when she was awake, turned no cold shoulder when she wished to sleep, and cheerfully said, "Yes, me dear," to every wish or want the wife of his bosom⁹⁴ expressed. I quite warmed to the excellent man, and asked a question or two, as the only means of expressing my good will. He answered very civilly, but evidently hadn't been used to being addressed by strange women in public conveyances⁹⁶; and Mrs. B. fixed⁹⁷ her green eyes upon me, as if she thought me a forward hussy, or whatever is good English for a presuming young woman. The pair left their friends before we reached Washington; and the last I saw of them was a vision of a large plaid lady, stalking grimly away, on the arm of a rosy, stout gentleman, loaded with rugs, bags, and books, but still devoted⁹⁸, still smiling, and waving a hearty⁹⁹ "Fare ye well! We'll meet ye at Willard's on Chusday."

 

Soon after their departure we had an accident; for no long journey in America would be complete without one. A coupling iron broke; and, after leaving the last car behind us, we waited for it to come up, which it did, with a crash that knocked every one forward on their faces, and caused several old ladies to screech¹⁰⁰ dismally¹⁰¹. Hats flew off, bonnets were flattened¹⁰², the stove skipped, the lamps fell down, the water jar turned a somersault, and the wheel just over which I sat received some damage. Of course, it became necessary for all the men to get out, and stand about in everybody's way, while repairs were made; and for the women to wrestle¹⁰³ their heads out of the windows, asking ninety- nine foolish questions to one sensible one. A few wise females seized this favorable moment to better their seats, well knowing that few men can face the wooden stare with which they regard the former possessors of the places they have invaded.

 

The country through which we passed did not seem so very unlike that which I had left, except that it was more level and less wintry. In summer time the wide fields would have shown me new sights, and the way-side hedges blossomed with new flowers; now, everything was sere¹⁰⁴ and sodden¹⁰⁵, and a general air of shiftlessness prevailed, which would have caused a New England farmer much disgust, and a strong desire to "buckle¹⁰⁶ to," and "right up" things. Dreary¹⁰⁷ little houses, with chimneys built outside, with clay and rough sticks piled crosswise, as we used to build cob towers, stood in barren looking fields, with cow, pig, or mule¹⁰⁸ lounging about the door. We often passed colored people, looking as if they had come out of a picture book, or off the stage, but not at all the sort of people I'd been accustomed to see at the North.

 

Wayside encampments made the fields and lanes gay with blue coats and the glitter of buttons. Military washes flapped and fluttered on the fences; pots were steaming in the open air; all sorts of tableaux¹⁰⁹ seen through the openings of tents, and everywhere the boys threw up their caps and cut capers¹¹⁰ as we passed.

 

Washington. - It was dark when we arrived; and, but for the presence of another friendly gentleman, I should have yielded myself a helpless prey¹¹¹ to the first overpowering hackman, who insisted that I wanted to go just where I didn't. Putting me into the conveyance⁹⁵ I belonged in, my escort added to the obligation by pointing out the objects of interest which we passed in our long drive. Though I'd often been told that Washington was a spacious¹¹² place, its visible magnitude quite took my breath away, and of course I quoted Randolph's expression, "a city of magnificent distances," as I suppose every one does when they see it. The Capitol was so like the pictures that hang opposite the staring Father of his Country, in boarding-houses and hotels, that it did not impress me, except to recall the time when I was sure that Cinderella went to housekeeping in just such a place, after she had married the inflammable Prince; though, even at that early period, I had my doubts as to the wisdom of a match whose foundation was of glass.

 

The White House was lighted up, and carriages were rolling in and out of the great gate. I stared hard at the famous East Room, and would have liked a peep through the crack of the door. My old gentleman was indefatigable¹¹³ in his attentions, and I said, "Splendid!" to everything he pointed¹¹⁴ out, though I suspect I often admired the wrong place, and missed the right. Pennsylvania Avenue, with its bustle¹¹⁵, lights, music, and military, made me feel as if I'd crossed the water and landed somewhere in Carnival¹¹⁶ time. Coming to less noticeable parts of the city, my companion fell silent, and I meditated¹¹⁷ upon the perfection which Art had attained¹¹⁸ in America - having just passed a bronze statue of some hero, who looked like a black Methodist minister, in a cocked hat, above the waist, and a tipsy squire¹¹⁹ below; while his horse stood like an opera dancer, on one leg, in a high, but somewhat remarkable¹²⁰ wind, which blew his mane one way and his massive tail the other.

 

"Hurly-burly House, ma'am!" called a voice, startling me from my reverie, as we stopped before a great pile of buildings, with a flag flying before it, sentinels at the door, and a very trying quantity of men lounging about. My heart beat rather faster than usual, and it suddenly struck me that I was very far from home; but I descended¹²¹ with dignity, wondering whether I should be stopped for want of a countersign¹²², and forced to pass the night in the street. Marching boldly up the steps, I found that no form was necessary, for the men fell back, the guard touched their caps, a boy opened the door, and, as it closed behind me, I felt that I was fairly started, and Nurse Periwinkle's Mission was begun.

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