Justine 淑女的眼泪 Chapter 11

It was toward four o'clock in the afternoon when we entered the forest. Until then Saint-Florent had not once contradicted himself: always the same propriety¹, always the same eagerness to prove his sentiments for me; I should not have thought myself more secure had I been with my father. The shades of night began to descend² upon the forest and to inspire that kind of religious horror which at once causes the birth of fear in timorous³ spirits and criminal projects in ferocious⁴ hearts. We followed mere⁵ paths; I was walking ahead, and I turned to ask Saint-Florent whether these obscure trails were really the ones we ought to be following, whether perchance he had not lost his bearings, whether he thought we were going to arrive soon.

 

"We have arrived, whore," the villain⁶ replied, toppling me with a blow of his cane⁷ brought down upon my head; I fell unconscious... Oh, Madame, I have no idea what that man afterward⁸ said or did; but the state I was in when I returned to my senses advised me only too well to what point I had been his victim. I was darkest night when I awoke; I was at the foot of a tree, away from any road, injured, bleeding... dishonored, Madame; such had been the reward of all I had just done for the unlucky man; and carrying infamy⁹ to its ultimate degree, the wretch¹⁰, after having done to me all he had wished, after having abused me in every manner, even in that which most outrages¹¹ Nature, had taken my purse... containing the same money I had so generously offered him. He had torn my clothing, most of it lay in shreds¹² and ribbons about me, I was virtually naked, and several parts of my body were lacerated, clawed; you may appreciate my situation: there in the depths of the night, without resources, without honor, without hope, exposed to every peril¹³: I wished to put an end to my days: had a weapon been presented to me, I would have laid hands on it and abridged¹⁴ this unhappy life full only of plagues for me... the monster! What did I do to him, I asked myself, to have deserved such cruel treatment at his hands? I save his life, restore his fortune to him, he snatches away what is most dear to me! A savage¹⁵ beast would have been less cruel! O man, thus are you when you heed¹⁶ nothing but your passions! Tigers that dwell in the wildest jungles would quail¹⁷ before such ignominies... these first pangs¹⁸ of suffering were succeeded by some few minutes of exhaustion¹⁹; my eyes, brimming over with tears, turned mechanically towards the sky; my heart did spring to the feet of the Master who dwelleth there... that pure glittering vault²⁰... that imposing²¹ stillness of the night... that terror which numbed²² my senses... that image of Nature in peace, nigh unto my whelmed, distraught soul... all distilled²³ a somber²⁴ horror into me, whence there was soon born the need to pray. I cast myself down, kneeling before that potent²⁵ God denied by the impious, hope of the poor and the downtrodden.

 

"Holy Majesty²⁶, Saintly One," I cried out in tears, "Thou Who in this dreadful moment deign²⁷ to flood my soul with a celestial²⁸ joy, Who doubtless hath prevented me from attempting my life; O my Protector and my Guide, I aspire²⁹ to Thy bounties³⁰, I implore³¹ Thy clemency³², behold³³ my miseries³⁴ and my torments³⁵, my resignation, and hear Thou my entreaties³⁶: Powerful God I Thou knowst it, I am innocent and weak, I am betrayed and mistreated; I have wished to do well in imitation of Thee, and Thy will hath punished it in me: may Thy will be done, O my God I all its sacred effects are cherished by me, I respect them and cease to complain of them; but if however I am to find naught³⁷ but stings and nettles³⁸ terrestrially, is it to offend Thee, O my Sovereign Master, to supplicate³⁹ Thy puissance to take me into Thy bosom⁴⁰, in order untroubled to adore Thee, to worship Thee far away from these perverse⁴¹ men who, alas⁴² I have made me meet with evils only, and whose bloodied⁴³ and perfidious⁴⁴ hands at their pleasure drown my sorrowful days in a torrent⁴⁵ of tears and in an abyss of agonies."

 

Prayer is the misfortunate's sweetest comfort; strength reenters him once he has fulfilled this duty. My courage renewed, I raised myself up, I gathered together the rags the villain had left me, and I hid myself in a thicket⁴⁶ so as to pass the night in less danger. The security I believed I enjoyed, the satisfaction I had just tasted by communing with my God, all combined to help me rest a few hours, and the sun was already risen high when I opened my eyes. For the wretched, the instant of awakening⁴⁷ is hideous⁴⁸: the imagination, refreshed by sleep's sweet ministrations, very rapidly and lugubriously⁴⁹ fills with the evils these moments of deceiving repose⁵⁰ have smoothed into oblivion.

 

Very well, I said as I examined myself, it is then true that there are human creatures Nature reduces to the level of wild beasts! Lurking⁵¹ in this forest, like them flying the sight of man, what difference now exists between them and me? Is it worth being born for a fate so pitiable?... And my tears flowed abundantly as I meditated⁵² in sorrow; I had scarcely finished with my reflections when I heard sounds somewhere about; little by little, two men hove into view. I pricked⁵³ up my ears:

 

"Come, dear friend," said one of them, "this place will suit us admirably; the cruel and fatal presence of an aunt I abhor⁵⁴ will not prevent me from tasting a moment with you the pleasures I cherish."

 

They draw near, they station themselves squarely in front of me and so proximately that not one of their words, not one of their gestures is able to escape me, and I observe... Just Heaven, Madame, said Therese, interrupting herself, is it possible that destiny has placed me in none but situations so critical that it becomes quite as difficult for Virtue⁵⁵ to hear them recited as for modesty⁵⁶ to describe them? That horrible crime which equally outrages both Nature and social conventions, that heinous⁵⁷ deed, in a word, which the hand of God has so often smitten⁵⁸, rationalized, legitimized by Coeur-de-fer, proposed by him to the unhappy Therese, despite her wishes consummated⁵⁹ against her by the butcher who has just immolated⁶¹ her, in brief, I did see that revolting execration⁶² carried out before my own eyes, together with all the impure⁶³ gropings and fumblings, all the frightful⁶⁴ episodes the most meditated depravity can devise. One of the men, he who gave himself, was twenty-four years old, of such a bearing and presence one might suppose him of an elevated degree, the other, of about the same age, appeared to be one of his domestics. The act was scandalous and prolonged. Bending over, supported by his hands, leaning upon the crest⁶⁵ of a little hillock facing the thicket where I lay, the young master exposed naked to his companion in debauch⁶⁶ the impious sacrificial altar, and the latter, whom the spectacle filled with ardor⁶⁷, caressed⁶⁸ the idol⁶⁹, ready to immolate⁶⁰ it with a spear far more awful and far more colossal⁷⁰ than the one wherewith the captain of the brigands⁷¹ of Bondy had menaced me; but, in no wise intimidated⁷², the young master seemed prepared unhesitatingly to brave the shaft⁷³ that was presented to him; he teased it, he excited it, covered it with kisses; seized it, plunged⁷⁴ it into himself, was in an ecstasy⁷⁵ as he swallowed it up; aroused by criminal caresses⁷⁶, the infamous⁷⁷ creature writhed⁷⁸ and struggled under the iron and seemed to regret it was not yet more terrible; he withstood its blows, he rose to anticipate them, he repelled⁷⁹ them.... A tender couple lawfully⁸⁰ connected would not have caressed one another so passionately⁸¹... their mouths were pressed together, their sighs intermingled, their tongues entwined, and I witnessed each of them, drunk with lust⁸², bring his perfidious horrors to completion in the very vortex of delight. The homage⁸³ is renewed, and in order to fire the incense⁸⁴ nothing is neglected by him who cries aloud his demand for it; kisses, fingerings, pollutions, debauchery's most appalling⁸⁵ refinements⁸⁶, everything is employed to revive sinking strength, and it all succeeds in reanimating them five times in swift succession; but that without either of them changing his role. The young lord was constantly the woman and although there was about him what suggested the possibility he could have acted the man in his turn, he had not for one instant even the appearance of wishing to. If he visited the altar corresponding to the one in him where sacrifices were performed, it was in the other idol's behalf, and there was never any indication the latter was threatened by assault.

 

Ah, how slowly the time seemed to pass! I dared not budge⁸⁷ for fear of detection; at last, the criminal actors in this indecent drama, no doubt surfeited⁸⁸, got up and were prepared to start along the road that was to take them home, when the master drew near the bush which hid me; my bonnet⁸⁹ betrayed me... he caught sight of it....

 

"Jasmin," said he to his valet, "we are discovered... a girl has beheld⁹⁰ our mysteries.... Come hither, flush the bitch into the open, let's find out why she is here."

 

I did not put them to the trouble of dragging me from my sanctuary⁹¹; I stepped forward immediately and, falling at their feet,

 

"Oh, Messieurs!" I cried, stretching my arms toward them, "deign to have pity upon an unhappy creature whose fate more deserves your compassion⁹² than you may think; there are very few misfortunes which can equal mine; do not let the posture⁹³ wherein you discover me cause any suspicion to be born in you; it is rather the consequence of my misery⁹⁴ than of my faults; do not augment⁹⁵ the ills which overwhelm me, be so kind as to diminish them by making available to me the means to escape the furies that hound me."

 

The Comte de Bressac (that was the name of the young man into whose hands I had fallen) possessed⁹⁶ a mind containing a great fund of wickedness and libertinage⁹⁷; no very abundant amount of sympathy dwelled in his heart. Unfortunately, it is only too common to find men in whom pity has been obliterated⁹⁸ by libertinage, whose ordinary effect is to harden: whether it be that the major part of his excesses necessitates⁹⁹ apathy¹⁰⁰ in the soul, or that the violent shock passion imparts to the nervous system decreases the vigor¹⁰¹ of its action, the fact always remains¹⁰² that a libertine¹⁰³ is rarety a man of sensibility. But in addition to this harshness native to the species whose character I am sketching¹⁰⁴, there was also in Monsieur de Bressac a disgust for our sex so inveterate¹⁰⁵, a hatred¹⁰⁶ so powerful for all that distinguishes it, that I encountered considerable difficulty introducing the affections into his soul wherewith I strove to move him.

分享到：