Parenthood

If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor¹!

 

Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer² your car, and you get about the same results.

 

To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.

 

The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side.

 

The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere - and hide the keys to the car.

 

The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot heads.

 

Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

 

The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.

 

Life’s golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.

 

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

 

A child outgrows³ your lap, but never outgrows your heart.

 

God gave you two ears and one mouth.... so you should listen twice as much as you talk.

 

There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

 

Adolescence⁴ is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

 

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel⁵ the driveway during a snowstorm.

 

Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

 

There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother’s age.

 

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

 

Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers.

 

A alarm clock is a device for awakening⁶ people who don't have small children.

 

No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost.

 

People hardest to convince that it's time for retirement⁷ are children at bedtime.

 

Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights.

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