如何摆脱一个话痨

How to Escape a Story Repeater 如何摆脱一个话痨

Your father-in-law is telling you that story about foiling the pickpocket¹ in Moscow -- for the fifth time. Do you let him know you’ve heard it before and can tell it better than he does? “If the story is longer than a minute and the two of you are alone, do interrupt to tell him that you’ve heard — and enjoyed — that story once before,” says Margaret Shepherd, a coauthor of The Art of Civilized² Conversation. Try: “You had everyone in stitches when you told that story last Christmas.” No need to add that you’ve heard the story for the last four Christmases. “Segue to a related topic,” suggests Shepherd, and if possible, draw in another person to freshen up the conversation.

你的岳父正给你讲述他在莫斯科挫败扒手的故事-——已经能是第五次了。你要告诉他你以前就听过，而且你能比他说得还溜吗？“如果故事时间超过一分钟，并且在场只有你们两人，那还是打断一下，告诉他你听过一次，也喜欢听这段故事。“ 这是Margaret Shepherd给人们的建议。Margaret Shepherd是《文明谈话艺术》一书的合著者。你可以试着说：”去年您在过圣诞节时讲的时候，大家都笑得合不拢嘴“，你就别说这四年来每次圣诞节都听这故事了。Shepherd建议：“用一个相关话题顺着接下去”，如果可能，再拉一个人过来，增加谈话的内容。

With older people whose memory may be slipping or when you’re in a group, though, it can be cruel to interrupt, says author Letitia Baldrige: “Patiently listen and wait for a chance to change the subject. If they’re thrilled to be telling the story, dismissing them too suddenly is like smooshing an ant.”

不过，如果对方年纪比较大，记忆力在减退，或你在一群人中，那么打断就很不礼貌了。这是作家Letitia Baldrige的话。“（你要）耐心听，找到一个机会转移话题。如果这样的故事让他们激动，突然打断他们就会像碾死一只蚂蚁一样让人不安。”

How to Escape Being in the Wrong Restaurant 如何逃离“错餐馆”

You’ve been seated, they’ve given you water and bread, and you decide — because the place is a bit grimy or too expensive, or nothing on its menu is appealing — that you want to leave. Can you just get up and go? “My policy is never to settle when it comes to food,” says Danyelle Freeman, a restaurant reviewer for New York’s Daily News and the founder³ of the website Restaurantgirl.com. “If you feel like you’ve made a bad choice, cut your losses and quietly exit. If the restaurant has already put water and bread on the table, they’ve technically⁴ begun service, so you should perhaps leave a small tip.”

If your server catches you on the way out, Freeman says, “graciously thank the person and briefly⁵ explain that you’re looking for something lighter⁶, more casual, or whatever else the restaurant isn’t.” Don’t linger making excuses. “At the end of the day,” says Freeman, “it’s your money.”

你已经座了下来。有人给你上水和面包，然后——因为这个地方有点不太干净或价格太贵，或者菜单上没什么能让你感兴趣——于是，你决定离开。能站起来就走吗？Danyelle Freeman说：“我的原则是，吃绝不能将就。” Danyelle Freeman是纽约日报新闻的一位餐馆评论员及网站Restaurantgirl.com的创办者。 “如果觉得进错了地方，就及时打住，安静地离开。如果餐馆人员已经上了水和面包，那么，严格地说，就已经开始对你服务了，所以你应该留一笔小数目的小费。”

Freeman 说，如果在离开的时候被服务员发现，那么"礼貌地谢谢那个人，简短说自己想去一个更明亮、更随意，或者任何和这家不同的地方。"不要逗留在原处找借口，再怎么说，钱到底怎么花，还是你自己说了算。“ Freeman说。

How to Escape a Sermon 如果逃避一位“说教者”

You may escape faster—and avoid future rants⁷ — if you take a moment to hear the person out, says author Margaret Shepherd: “Don’t debunk⁸ their beliefs, tease, ignore, argue, scoff⁹, or demean. They’ll just try harder to convince you.” Let the person spew for a couple of minutes before you introduce a neutral subject or make your exit.

Offensive rants—racist, misogynist¹⁰, or obscene — are an exception. In those cases, cut the speaker off as soon as possible with a simple “Excuse me — I’ve got to go.” If the sermon takes place at work and other people are present, enlist¹¹ their help. “They probably don’t want to hear it either,” says author Anne Fisher. After listening to the lecturer for a minute or two, say, “It’s interesting you feel so strongly about that, Joe. Hey, Sally, what did you think about the sales meeting last week?” Unless the person “is a total bonehead,” says author Anne Fisher, “he or she will take the hint.”

如果你耐心听完这人的话，也许反而能更快地脱离，还能避免更多的唠叨。这是Margaret Shepherd的话。”别揭穿他们的信仰，别去嘲笑、忽视、争辩、不敬或贬低。那样只会让他们更努力地去说服你。“让那人说上几分钟，然后表达你中性的话题，或者是离开。

那些带有进攻性的长篇大论的人——种族主义者，厌恶女人的人，猥亵的人——则是例外。这时候，用最简单的话”劳驾，我要走了“来终止谈话。如果这种说教发生在办公场所，在场有其他人，那么请求他人帮助。”他们可能也不愿听，“ 作家Anne Fisher说。在听了一两分钟之后，你可以说：”真有趣，你对这感觉这么强烈。张三，李四，王二，你们对上周的销售会议怎么看？“ 除非那人是一个彻底的榆木脑袋，不然肯定会知趣。

How to Escape an Inebriated¹² Coworker 如何逃离一位醉酒后的同事

An after-work drink with the new assistant sounded like fun, but three drinks later she is anything but. Can you ditch her? “No,” says author Anne Fisher. “Leaving a drunk to fend¹³ for herself could be dangerous, especially if he or she is planning to drive. You must either pour this person into a taxicab or drive him or her home.” Use any excuse you’d like to call it a night. (“I have so much to get ready for tomorrow.” “I’ve got to feed the dog.” “My mother phones me at 11 pm and I have to be home for her call.”)

To mitigate¹⁴ any morning-after awkwardness with someone you’ll continue to see, shrug¹⁵ off her own comments about being embarrassed (don’t rub it in) and extend an occasional lunch invitation, says Fisher. Make sure you go “someplace that doesn’t serve anything stronger than iced tea.” And remember: Lots of people are “instant idiots” (just add alcohol) but fine company when sober.

和新来的助手下班后一起喝酒听上去很不错，但是酒过三巡后，她形象尽失。能丢下她不管吗？ ”不可以，“ 作家Anne Fisher说，”让喝醉了酒的人去照顾自己是危险的做法，尤其当他/她还打算开车的话。你可以将此人扶入一辆出租车，或开车送他/她回家。“ 你可以随便找一个理由来打住（”还要为明天做很多准备“，”我家有狗要喂“，“我母亲晚上11点会给我打电话，我要回去接电话”）。

为了减少第二天早上和还要见面的那个人之间的尴尬，对她说自己感觉窘迫的话一带而过（别反而去提醒她），然后，邀请她有时间去吃一顿午饭。一定要注意你们去的地方“最多只供应冰茶”。还要记住：很多人都是“速溶白痴”（只要“溶”一些酒精就变白痴），但在他们清醒的时候，仍是一位不错的同伴。

How to Escape a Run-In with a Long-Lost “Pal” 如何逃离和多年不见的“老友”的相遇

If you barely have enough time for the friends you have now, be wary¹⁶ of taking on someone you haven’t missed that much and nip this encounter in the bud — nicely, of course. During the initial meeting, show some enthusiasm — “Great to see you!” — but don’t overdo¹⁷ it. “Don’t even vaguely¹⁸ suggest having lunch if your gut¹⁹ feeling is ‘Get me out of here,’” says author Margaret Shepherd.

If the person insists on a “date” and keeps calling or e-mailing to follow up, Shepherd suggests spelling out the terms you can live with: location (close to you), duration (short), purpose (Is it strictly²⁰ personal, or is there a business motive²¹?). Also, be direct about anything you don’t want to discuss. (“I’d love to catch up on what you’re doing, but if we’re going to talk about that horrible personnel manager one more time, let’s call it off.”) Meet with the person once, and keep in mind that you don’t have to see him or her again if your opinion hasn’t changed.

如果你的时间刚好只能贡献给你现在的朋友，在重逢那些交情浅的朋友时要小心，把这样的巧遇要“扼杀在摇篮里”——当然，是友善地。最初见面时，表现出一些热心：“见到你真好！”但别过度。“如果你心里想着”我想走“，那么也不要表现出丝毫要邀请此人共进午餐的迹象，”作家Margaret Shepherd说。

如果那人坚持要再见面，且再不断给你打电话或发电子邮件，Shepherd的建议是：把你的条件一一说明白：地点（离你家近），时间（短），目的（单单涉及个人，还是另有商业企图？)。同样，直接说出你不愿意交谈的内容（“我是想和你联络感情，可如果还要去谈论那个鬼人事经理的话，那就算了”）去和这人见一次面。记住，除非你改变主意，否则就不要再去见他/她了。