如何应对职场暴力

In elementary school, the class bully¹ left you with empty pockets. In the corporate² world, the bully can cause even more damage -- ranging from severe emotional distress³ and sluggish⁴ work to stalled career progress. What's worse: Despite hoards⁵ of office initiatives and formal legislation, bullying⁶ is still creeping its way into the workplace.

在小学，“小霸王”让你身无分文。在公司，“霸王”们会引起更大的危害——从严重压抑、效率低下到事业停滞。而更糟糕的是，成堆的办公室条例和法规都无法阻止欺负行为在职场的蔓生。

Nancy Shenker, founder⁷ and principal of theONswitch, a marketing⁸ company specializing in start-ups, said she was once the victim of a bullying boss who loved to publicly berate⁹ her.

theONswitch公司专门为起步公司提供市场营销，该公司创办人、主席Nancy Shenker说她也曾是职场暴力的受害者，过去的老板总喜欢公然严厉指责她。

"I finally scheduled a private meeting with him and told him quite simply that his behavior was affecting my work performance, that I felt demoralized and embarrassed," she said. "I went so far as to tell him that if I really was so incompetent¹⁰, we should call human resources into the meeting to work out a severance¹¹ package or start writing me up," she said.

她说：“我和他私聊了一次，很简单地告诉他，他的行为影响了我的工作表现，我感到挫败和困窘。我甚至说，如果我真那么无能，那我们应该让人力资源参与我们的讨论，做个离职计划或给我记一过。”

Her boss admitted he had no intention of firing her, and their relationship improved. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute's Web site, bullying is more prevalent in today's workplaces than sexual harassment¹² and racial discrimination. Approximately one-in-six US workers have directly experienced destructive bullying in the last year.

她的老板承认他无意解雇她，两人关系得到改善。”职场暴力研究组织“网站说，欺负行为在当今的职场要比性骚扰和种族歧视更为普遍。近六分之一的美国劳动者去年直接经历了具有破坏性的欺负行为。

Women are most often on the receiving end of the workplace abuse, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute. Although 58 percent of bullies¹³ are women, they make up 80 percent of targets. "Targethood hinges on two characteristics: a desire to cooperate and a nonconfrontive interpersonal style," the organization's Web site states.

该组织说，女性最容易遭受职场虐待。58%的欺负者是女性，而被欺负的女性却占到了80%。该组织网站称，这两种人易受攻击：渴望配合的人和不得罪人的老好人。

Standing¹⁴ up to the bully may not be as difficult as it seems, said Kerry Patterson, co-author of the bestselling books "Crucial Conversations" and "Crucial Confrontations¹⁶." "If you know what to say and how to say it, you can speak up and keep the risk of retaliation¹⁷ to a minimum," he said.

《至关重要的对话》及《至关重要的对峙》两本书的作者说，对欺负者说“不”也许并没有看上去那么困难。他说：”如果你知道说什么、如何说，你就能为自己讨回公道，并将被报复的风险降至最低“。

Patterson offered these tips to keep the office bully at bay:

Patterson 提供了让人们远离欺负者的建议：

1. Don't be rude in return. 不要以“粗”相对

Replying with a snide remark means stooping to the bully's level, and the problem could escalate¹⁸. 以卑鄙的话回答意味着把自己降低到恶棍的水准，可能导致问题激化。

2. Assume the best. 做最好的假设

Instead of assuming your co-worker is intentionally¹⁹ being rude or inconsiderate, assume he is unaware²⁰ of how his actions are affecting you. For example, when someone cuts in line in front of you at a movie theater, say something like: "I'm sorry, were you aware that we've been standing here in line?" Presuming innocence²¹ avoids an accusation²² and gets the conversation started off right.

不要假设你的同事故意表现粗鲁或不顾别人，而要假设他并不知道他的行为对你有何影响。例如，当有人在电影院插队，可以说：“抱歉，你意识到我们在排队吗？” 假设对方无辜，可以避免指责并容易展开对话。

3. Separate intentions from outcome. 分清结果和意图

If your co-worker publicly calls you something offensive, before you respond in-kind, ask yourself: "Why would a decent, rational human being say something like that?" Then, approach your co-worker and say, "I'm sure you didn't intend this, but when you call me ‘honey' it makes me uncomfortable."

如果你的同事公然用侵犯的语言称呼你，在你以同样方式做出回应前，问自己”为什么一个体面、有理智的人会说出那样的话？“ 然后，走到这人旁边问一问：”我想你不是有意这么说，但当你叫我“甜心”，这让我不舒服。“

4. Start with the facts. 从事实开始

When you feel constantly offended by someone's behavior, it's easy to feel victimized or become convinced the bully is out to get you -- but this could lead to a nasty confrontation¹⁵. Before you confront the bully by talking about your feelings or making conclusions, stick to the facts: "Often in our team meetings, you demean my ideas. Today, you called my idea stupid." Then proceed to your conclusion, and ask your co-worker for feedback.

当你感到不断被某人冒犯，很容易有受害者的感觉，或者认为这位欺负者故意让你生气。但这可能导致一个不愉快的对峙。在你进行对峙、谈论感受和做出结论之前，从事实开始：” 在我们小组会议时，你总是贬低我的看法，比如今天，你说我的想法很愚蠢。“ 然后，说到你的结论，让对方做出反馈。