如何提高亲和力

To be heard you have to make people like you. You need to create chemistry with your staff as a manager, with your team as a project leader, with your boss, with your customer, with your strategic partners. People believe people they like. That's not a news bulletin. Great communicators develop the "likeability factor"—your personality and the "chemistry" you create between yourself and others.

想要别人听你说话，你得先让人家喜欢你。经理得和员工相处融洽；项目组长需要和队友、老板、顾客、战略伙伴合作默契。人们相信他们喜欢的人。这不是新闻。好的交流者能产生出“亲和力”——这来自你的个性和你制造的融洽感觉。

Just as many roads lead to success in the workplace, many different personalities¹ attract followers². But the following traits seem universally to attract people and open their minds and hearts.

职场上通往成功的道路有很多条，吸引人的个性也有很多种。但是下面的品质似乎在吸引人、打开别人思维和心胸方面具有普遍性。

Be Vulnerable, Show Your Humanity 脆弱，展现出你的“有血有肉”的一面

In speaker training 101, people learn to tell failure stories before success stories. Generally, audiences have more in common with those who struggle than those who succeed in life. If you worry about whether your teen will graduate from high school without getting involved with the wrong group, say so. If your father-in-law drove you nuts during the holiday weekend, it's okay to mention to your colleagues on Monday morning that you might not have been the storybook spouse³. If you lose a customer, regret it rather than excuse it. If you miss a deadline, repair the damage and catch up.

在演讲者基础训练中，人们学习在讲述成功故事之前讲述失败故事。一般来说，相对于成功人士，听众和那些逆境挣扎的人更有共鸣。如果你担心自己的小孩在高中误入歧途，那么就说出来。如果你的岳父在周末让你抓狂，那么周一的早晨可以告诉你的同事们你也许不是个模范伴侣；如果你失去了一位顾客，宁可后悔也不要找借口；如果你误了时限，弥补损失，迎头赶上。

People respond to humans much more favorably than machines. When you communicate with colleagues, never fear to let them see your humanity.

人和人的沟通比人和机器的沟通要友善。当你和同事们交流时，绝不要害怕让他们看到你人性的一面。

Be Courteous⁴ 讲礼貌

Day in and day out, it's the small things that kill our spirit: The sales rep who empties his cold coffee and leaves the splatters all over the sink. The manager who uses the last drop of lotion⁵ and doesn't refill the container. The analyst⁶ who walks away from the printer, leaving the red light flashing "paper jam." The boss who walks into the reserved conference room in the middle of a meeting and bumps everybody out for an “urgent” strategic planning meeting. The person who cuts in line at the cafeteria cash register. The guy who answers his cell phone and tries to carry on a conversation out loud in the middle of a meeting.

日复一日，让我们崩溃的都是小事情：销售代表将冷掉的咖啡倒入水池，溅得里边到处都是的；经理用光最后一滴洗手液，却不重新把瓶子装满的；分析员从打印机旁离开，却让它闪烁着红色“卡纸”灯；老板闯进正在开会的会议室，把大家都赶出来，为“紧急”战略规划会议腾出地方；有人在餐厅收银台插队；有个男的在会议中接手机，并大声讲电话。

As a result, even the smallest courtesies kindle⁷ a fire that ignites chemistry and builds kinship. The courtesy of saying "hello" when you come into the office after being away. The courtesy of letting people know when you're going to be away for an extended period. The courtesy of honoring policies about reserving rooms, spaces, and equipment for activities. The courtesy of a simple "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome" for small favors.

结果，即便最小的礼貌也会激发融洽感、点燃亲密的“火焰”。比如回到办公室时说声“嗨”；不能按时赶回来时，要和别人说一声；遵守关于为活动预留房间、空间、设备的规定；对小的恩惠给予一个简单的“请”、“谢谢”、“不客气”。

Share a Sense of Humor 分享你的幽默感

No matter whether people agree or disagree with George W. Bush's political positions they typically admire his self-deprecating humor. At one of the Washington correspondent's dinners, that ability to poke⁸ fun at himself seemed to be the primary thing the media responded to favorably. Bush said at the lectern, "I always enjoy these events. But why couldn't I have dinner with the 36 percent of the people who like me?" At one such event, Bush even brought along his "double" comedian⁹ Steve Bridges, to make fun of his frequent mispronunciations. The double modeled for him one of his most difficult words to pronounce correctly, "Nu—cle—ar proliferation … nu—cle—ar proliferation. Nu—cle—ar proliferation." Then Bush tried it, "Nu-cle—ar pro-boblieration." The crowd went wild.

不论人们是否认同布什的政治立场，都会敬佩布什的自嘲式幽默感。在一次华盛顿记者晚宴上，拿自己开涮的能力似乎成了媒体正面报道的主要素材。布什在讲台上时说：“我总喜欢这类活动。可我为什么不能和喜欢我的那36％的人共进晚餐呢？”在一个类似活动中，布什甚至带来了他的“替身”喜剧演员Steve Bridges来拿自己频繁读音失误开玩笑。这位“替身”模仿了布什最难说对的词："Nu—cle—ar proliferation … nu—cle—ar proliferation. Nu—cle—ar proliferation."接着，布什试了试："Nu-cle—ar pro-boblieration." 众人都笑疯了。

Self-deprecating humor can open hearts and minds to make people receptive to ideas in ways words alone cannot.

自嘲式幽默能让人们敞开胸怀和心思，比语言更能说服人接受一些想法。

Show Humility¹⁰ 谦卑

Just as suddenly as lightning strikes, an act of arrogance¹¹ can destroy an otherwise credible¹² communicator. For example: Refusing to acknowledge people when they speak to you. Failure to respond to people's suggestions. Haughty¹³ body language. Time spent only with those of your "rank and ilk" at a social gathering¹⁴. An amused smirk¹⁵ in response to an idea expressed in a meeting. An upward roll of the eyes meant to discredit¹⁶ someone's comment in the hallway. A talk jam-packed with jargon¹⁷ meant to confuse rather than clarify. Insistence¹⁸ that things must be said one way and one way only.

霎时间，一个傲慢的举动就能毁了一位本来可信的交流者。例如：有人和你说话时不理别人；对别人的建议没有响应；高傲的肢体语言；在社交聚会上只和自己那“一帮人”在一起；在会议上对一个想法报以嘲弄的笑声；在走廊里对别人的言语报以诋毁的白眼；为了故弄玄虚使用很多术语，让对方云里雾里；固执地认为某事必须，且只能，以某个方式讲述。

Credible communicators show humility in innumerable ways:

有无数种方式让交流既可信又展现出谦卑:

* They let others "showcase" by delivering key messages instead of always having to be "on stage" themselves.

通过传递关键信息，让别人替自己“展示”，而不是总把自己放在“舞台”表演。

* They let others feel important by "interpreting," "passing on," and "applying" their goals and initiatives.

通过“诠释”、“传递”、“落实”自己的目标和计划，让别人感到重要起来。

* They get input¹⁹ from others -- and consider that input worthy²⁰ of a response. (They don't ask for input "just for drill" if they don't plan to consider it.)

他们征求别人观点——并且认为这观点值得做出响应。（如果他们不打算考虑某观点，不会随随便便地去要求他人说出观点。）

* They excite others by asking for their help, cooperation and buy-in.

他们通过寻求别人的帮助、合作及参与支持让别人兴奋起来。

* They share the limelight by telling stories about star performers.

他们通过讲述明星表现者的故事来分享“星光”。

* They share leadership roles by telling success stories of other leaders.

他们通过讲述其它领导者的成功故事来分享领导角色。

* They communicate awareness²¹ and appreciation²² of the efforts and results of other people.

他们表现出意识到并欣赏别人的努力及成就。