Every Day Has Its Dog

I don't know any other animal on this green earth that loves a barbecue more than a dog, and being one, I'm no exception. So, when my people say let's go, you know I'm gonna be there. 

 

Well, this is a short story of one of those trips to meat Eden, and a pee-wee of a predicament（窘况，困境）. The first thing you have to understand is that I can't always control myself, I try, but all the food, all those smells, all the people, all the food, it just gets dogmatic（教条的，武断的） after about 5 minutes. So, you can imagine what I have to endure after about an hour. I had to do it, I had to release all this pent up frustration¹ somehow. But, how can I blow off some steam without further unwanted lambasting（痛打，严责） from my humans. This was becoming a doggie disaster and I had to bring this decision to a close. Then it dawned on me, why go out for a walk when you can go out with a bang. Uh, no, I didn't start banging some humans leg like you thought, that's degrading, and only perverted² pets sink so low. What I did do though, is teach some humans not to mess with the pet world. 

 

The people attending the food fest were standing³ around, laughing and having a good time, gorging⁴ their fat faces with the food of the gods, when all of a sudden the swilling⁵ was drowned out with a high pitch squealing⁶ that was an octave or two higher than a dog whistle. The humans scrambled⁷ for the source of the terror only to find one of their offspring crying at the top of his lungs. What happened, one of them yells. I think the dog did something, another whispers. Just then, the human child begins to yelp⁸ one phrase repeatedly, over and over again, burning into their ears with the words "It's Hot, It's Hot". Well, much to my surprise, the humans started laughing so hard they were dropping like flies. I didn't understand why they thought it was so funny, but the next time any other kid drops his hot-dog on the ground, and then picks it up and eats it without giving me any, I'm gonna pee on his leg too. After all, now I know I can get away with it.

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