沉睡的谋杀案19
时间：2026-01-29 07:41:35
（单词翻译:单击）
II
In the train on the way back to London, Gwenda took out the shabby little
black book and began to read.
She opened it at random.
Kelvin Halliday had written:
I suppose these doctor wallahs know their business … It all
sounds such poppycock. Was I in love with my mother? Did
I hate my father? I don’t believe a word of it … I can’t help
feeling this is a simple police case—criminal court—not a
crazy loonybin matter. And yet—some of these people here
—so natural, so reasonable—just like everyone else—ex-
cept when you suddenly come across the kink. Very well,
then, it seems that I, too, have a kink….
I’ve written to James … urged him to communicate with
Helen … Let her come and see me in the flesh if she’s alive
… He says he doesn’t know where she is … that’s because
he knows that she’s dead and that I killed her … he’s a
good fellow, but I’m not deceived … Helen is dead….
When did I begin to suspect her? A long time ago … Soon
after we came to Dillmouth … Her manner changed … She
was concealing something … I used to watch her … Yes,
and she used to watch me….
Did she give me drugs in my food? Those queer awful night-
mares. Not ordinary dreams … living nightmares … I
know it was drugs … Only she could have done that …
Why?… There’s some man … Some man she was afraid
of….
Let me be honest. I suspected, didn’t I, that she had a
lover? There was someone—I know there was someone—
She said as much to me on the boat … Someone she loved
and couldn’t marry … It was the same for both of us … I
couldn’t forget Megan … How like Megan little Gwennie
looks sometimes. Helen played with Gwennie so sweetly on
the boat … Helen … You are so lovely, Helen….
Is Helen alive? Or did I put my hands round her throat
and choke the life out of her? I went through the dining
room door and I saw the note—propped up on the desk,
and then — and then — all black — just blackness. But
there’s no doubt about it … I killed her … Thank God
Gwennie’s all right in New Zealand. They’re good people.
They’ll love her for Megan’s sake. Megan—Megan, how I
wish you were here….
It’s the best way … No scandal … The best way for the
child. I can’t go on. Not year after year. I must take the
short way out. Gwennie will never know anything about
all this. She’ll never know her father was a murderer….
Tears blinded Gwenda’s eyes. She looked across at Giles, sitting opposite
her. But Giles’s eyes were riveted on the opposite corner.
Aware of Gwenda’s scrutiny, he motioned faintly with his head.
Their fellow passenger was reading an evening paper. On the outside of
it, clearly presented to their view was a melodramatic caption: Who were
the men in her life?
Slowly, Gwenda nodded her head. She looked down at the diary.
There was someone—I know there was someone….
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